What They REALLY Wanted to Say!

Ravens press conferences aren’t too unlike political pressers. You hear what they say but what they say is nothing more than a word salad without the dressing. With tongue slightly in cheek, let’s translate and add a little zesty Italian dressing to the flavorless kale.

Will the Ravens place added emphasis on preventing explosive plays v. the Commanders?

“Yes, definitely. I mean, that’s the thing about it – is they live off explosives, and obviously, we haven’t done a good enough job of limiting explosives. So, it’s definitely something that we’re keying in and honing in on every week, but when you’re facing one of the hottest teams in the league, one of the best quarterbacks, one of the best offenses in the league, you have to limit the explosives. You can’t give them the easy way out. You have to make them earn it, man, and so, that’s what we’re focusing on, [and] that’s what we’re preaching, ‘Keep the ball in front. Let’s tackle, let’s communicate, let’s play together, [and] let’s make them earn everything they get,’ because they’re too good to give them plays.” ~ Zach Orr

Translation: Have you seen how deep Marcus Williams lines up? This week you can expect him to line up near the entrance to the Pier Six Concert Pavilion. Is anyone playing there this weekend? But back to Marcus, our DB coach Chris Hewitt told him to keep all plays in front of him. And ever since, he’s needed a $15 Uber ride just to get back to our sideline when the punt team trots out onto the field. It does make it difficult to evaluate Marcus’ performances because he doesn’t even show up on the All-22. We’ve started calling it the All-21. But let’s give credit where it’s due. We’ve played outstanding defense with just 10 on the field, don’t you agree?

Will Dean Pees have a game day role? Will he be up in the booth?

“We’re still trying to figure that out. I think we’ll know more by the end of the week, but we’re still trying to figure that out. But I definitely see [Dean Pees] having a role in some type of capacity on gameday.” ~ Zach Orr

Translation: I have no idea why Dean is here or where he’ll be. I’m not even sure if Dean knows that he accepted the job. The man was the captain of his pickleball team one day, the Ravens new defensive coordinator the next – I mean senior advisor. I’m pretty sure his great, great grandchildren are disappointed that Dean won’t be around as much to read them “Goodnight Moon”. Do you think this means Goodnight Zach?

Does the Commanders’ no-huddle offense limit your ability to be creative in how you bring pressure and show coverages?

“No, I don’t think so. We’ve gotten to the point of the season where guys are comfortable in spots and different things that we’re asking them to do, and then we get good work at it here in practice. We’re all adjusted – myself included – to the game speed, [and we] have a great plan for it, so I fully anticipate us being able to get to everything we need to get to, to do what we’ve got to do.” ~ Zach Orr

Translation: We are screwed when they go no-huddle. It’s challenging enough to make play calls within the 40-second play clock window but when they go no huddle – damn, I just spin this little wheel that I’ve installed on my play chart and wherever the arrow lands, that’s the call. The efficiency of that wheel has helped John retain timeouts that he can later waste or use to help out our opponent that week.

Did you draw up that stiff arm from Lamar against in Cincinnati?

“I didn’t draw [it up]; I didn’t draw up one stiff arm – that’s just what he does. [What was] probably more impressive, was the sack he got out of that he threw away. That was even more impressive than the one he threw the touchdown on, that he got away from [No.] 91 [Trey Hendrickson] and saved us there. It happens more often than that, that’s the one that just showed up because of the touchdown. What a great play by him, and by Isaiah [Likely].” ~ Todd Monken

Translation: Sometimes I have no idea WTF Lamar is going to do. Sometimes it’s like playing touch football in the street. “Zay, run down to that Pinto and do a button hook. Bate go deep. Mark, go down the middle.” But it works. Although I have no idea why I have this tablet with 7,000 plays loaded on it, each with variations based upon personnel groupings and which hash mark we line up at. Jesus H! Look, I’m supposed to keep it clean up here but really, IDGAF!

On if he has any bad feelings towards the Commanders after last preseason.

“No, that’s not in my mind. My mind is [on] going out there and doing the job to the best of my ability and competing with my brothers, my teammates and getting a win.” ~ Mark Andrews

Translation: Those little bitches acted like they won the Super Bowl when they snapped our preseason winning streak. That crushed Harbs. It was something he was really proud of and ever since he hasn’t been the same – challenging plays he has no business challenging and calling timeouts to help the other team. It’s a sad, sad story. So we plan on crushing those Commies. We need this one for the gipper!

Does this upcoming game against the Commanders represent the start of a budding rivalry for the fans?

“I don’t know, it’s really fun. I’m sure everybody is excited in the region, in the DMV. It’s cool; it’s fun. That’s what it’s about. Sports is to have fun for the fans. We take it as life and death, and to us on a given day, it kind of feels like it is. But, in the end, it’s a great distraction; it’s a great thing to have fun with. I hope people have a great time around the Ravens and the Commanders and everybody else in the league. I hope they enjoy it. I hope it’s something that gets their minds in a different place sometimes, and they can enjoy it. To whatever extent that is, that’s great. For us, it’s a rivalry, because it’s our next game. We do respect this team. They’re very good, they’re playing at a high level, and they’re [a] tough, physical outfit. We’re looking forward to the challenge of that, and we’ll be ready for it.” ~ John Harbaugh

Translation: You’re kidding, right? The Commanders, Washington Football Team or the Redskins, whatever you want to call them, have sucked for decades and just because this rookie quarterback has been like some sort of phoenix for the past few weeks, rising that shit-hole organization up from the bowels of the NFL, you want to label this a rivalry? When we dismantle them in our house on Sunday, the sea of burgundy-clad fans will leave The Bank with their heads hanging low, their tails tucked up their sphincters and looking forward to the Nats offseason signings.

[Related Article: Ravens v. Commanders Preview]

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Source: https://russellstreetreport.com/2024/10/12/street-talk/ravens-press-conferences/