If you want to maintain an emotional bond with your children as they get older, say goodbye to these 7 habits

From the Personal Branding Blog

As my kids grow older, I’ve realized something important—staying emotionally connected to them isn’t automatic. It takes effort, self-awareness, and a willingness to change.

The habits that worked when they were little don’t always work as they become more independent. In fact, some behaviors can slowly push them away without us even realizing it.

If we want a strong bond with our children as they grow, we have to be intentional about how we show up for them. That means letting go of certain habits that create distance instead of connection.

Here are seven things to stop doing if you want to maintain a deep emotional bond with your kids as they get older.

1) Always trying to fix their problems

As parents, it’s natural to want to help our kids when they’re struggling. When they come to us with a problem, our instinct is to jump in with advice, solutions, or even take control of the situation.

But as they grow older, constantly trying to “fix” things can actually push them away. It sends the message that we don’t trust them to figure things out on their own. And sometimes, they’re not looking for solutions—they just want to be heard.

Instead of immediately offering advice, try listening first. Ask questions like, “How do you feel about that?” or “What do you think you’ll do?” This shows them that you respect their ability to handle challenges while still being there for support.

Letting go of the need to fix everything helps build a relationship based on trust and emotional connection—not just problem-solving.

2) Dismissing their feelings

I used to think I was being helpful when I told my kids, “It’s not a big deal” or “You’ll be fine” whenever they were upset. In my mind, I was trying to reassure them, to help them move on from whatever was bothering them.

But one day, my daughter called me out on it. She had a tough day at school and was frustrated about a conflict with a friend. When I casually told her, “Don’t worry about it, it’ll blow over,” she sighed and said, “You always say that, but it does matter to me.”

That moment hit me hard. I realized that by brushing off her emotions, I was making her feel unheard. I wasn’t giving her space to process what she was feeling—I was rushing to make it go away.

Now, instead of dismissing my kids’ emotions, I try to validate them. A simple “That sounds really frustrating” or “I can see why you feel that way” makes all the difference.

It shows them that their feelings are real and that I’m someone they can turn to without fear of being ignored or minimized.

3) Making everything about rules and control

As kids grow older, they start craving more independence. But if they feel like every aspect of their lives is controlled—what they wear, who they spend time with, how they spend their free time—they’re more likely to pull away.

Research shows that overly controlling parenting can backfire, leading to more rebellion and secrecy. When kids feel like they have no say in their own lives, they often stop sharing things altogether.

Instead of coming to you for guidance, they start making decisions on their own—without your input.

That doesn’t mean rules shouldn’t exist. Boundaries are important, but so is flexibility. Giving kids some autonomy in decision-making helps them feel respected, which strengthens your emotional bond rather than weakening it.

4) Criticizing more than encouraging

It’s easy to notice what our kids are doing wrong—leaving their room a mess, forgetting responsibilities, making questionable choices. And while guidance is important, constantly pointing out their mistakes can make them feel like they’re never good enough.

Over time, too much criticism can damage self-esteem and create emotional distance. If the main thing they hear from us is what they’re doing wrong, they may stop sharing parts of their lives altogether to avoid judgment.

That doesn’t mean ignoring problems, but it does mean balancing criticism with encouragement.

A simple shift—acknowledging what they do well, appreciating their efforts, and celebrating small wins—can make all the difference in keeping your connection strong.

5) Expecting them to be the same person they used to be

It can be hard to accept when your child starts changing. The kid who used to tell you everything suddenly gives one-word answers.

The one who loved family movie nights now prefers spending time in their room. It’s easy to take it personally, to feel like you’ve lost the connection you once had.

But the truth is, they’re not the same person they were a few years ago—and that’s okay. Holding onto an outdated version of them can create tension.

If we keep expecting them to act like their younger selves, we miss the opportunity to get to know who they’re becoming.

Instead of resisting the change, embrace it. Stay curious about their evolving interests, opinions, and dreams. Let them know that no matter how much they grow, they’ll always have a place where they belong—with you.

6) Not apologizing when you mess up

Parents aren’t perfect—we lose our tempers, make unfair assumptions, and say things we don’t mean. But if we never acknowledge when we’re wrong, it can create distance between us and our kids.

Some parents avoid apologizing because they think it undermines their authority. But in reality, admitting mistakes strengthens respect. It shows kids that accountability isn’t just something they have to practice—it’s something we all should.

A simple “I overreacted earlier, and I’m sorry” or “I shouldn’t have dismissed your feelings like that” can go a long way in keeping your bond strong.

It teaches them that relationships aren’t about perfection—they’re about honesty, understanding, and learning from each other.

7) Not making time for them

As kids get older, they may seem like they don’t need us as much. They have their own friends, interests, and routines. But that doesn’t mean they’ve outgrown the need for connection—it just means we have to be more intentional about creating it.

If we’re always too busy, always distracted, or only engaging when there’s a problem, the relationship starts to fade. Kids won’t keep reaching out if they feel like they’re not a priority.

Time doesn’t have to mean grand gestures. It’s in the small moments—checking in, sharing a meal, showing interest in what matters to them. The more we make time for them now, the more likely they’ll want to keep us close as they grow.

Bottom line: Connection is a choice

Parenting changes as kids grow, but the need for emotional connection never disappears. The difference is that, as they get older, maintaining that bond becomes less about authority and more about trust, respect, and presence.

Research shows that strong parent-child relationships contribute to better emotional well-being, higher self-esteem, and even greater resilience in adulthood. But these relationships don’t happen by accident—they require intention.

Small moments matter. Listening without judgment, showing up consistently, and respecting their independence all add up over time.

Connection isn’t about being a perfect parent; it’s about choosing, every day, to be someone they feel safe turning to—no matter how much they grow.

The post If you want to maintain an emotional bond with your children as they get older, say goodbye to these 7 habits appeared first on Personal Branding Blog.

Source: https://personalbrandingblog.com/dan-if-you-want-to-maintain-an-emotional-bond-with-your-children-as-they-get-older-say-goodbye-to-these-habits/