8 phrases a narcissist will use when they’re trying to one-up you in a conversation

From the Personal Branding Blog

Ever been in a conversation where someone just has to make everything about them?

Narcissists often have a way of subtly—or not-so-subtly—undermining others to inflate their own ego. It’s like they can’t help but one-up every story, opinion, or experience you share, leaving you feeling dismissed or belittled.

But here’s the thing: once you recognize the phrases narcissists often use to assert dominance in a conversation, you’ll be better equipped to handle them.

In this article, we’re diving into 8 phrases that a narcissist will typically use when they’re trying to one-up you, along with tips on how to respond.

1) “I did that way better when I tried it”

If you’ve ever shared an achievement or experience with a narcissist, you might have heard this phrase. Essentially, they’re trying to steal your thunder and turn the focus back onto themselves.

For example, if you tell them about a successful project at work, they might respond with, “I did that way better when I tried it”.

This is a classic strategy narcissists use to one-up you in a conversation.

The underlying message here is that your accomplishment is trivial compared to theirs. It can leave you feeling deflated and questioning your achievements.

But remember, this isn’t about what you did or didn’t do. It’s about their need for dominance and superiority.

By recognizing this phrase for what it is – a tactic to overshadow and belittle you – you can avoid being drawn into their game and in turn, preserve your self-esteem.

2) “I’m happy for you, but…”

This phrase may initially seem supportive, but the inclusion of the word ‘but’ is a game changer. The narcissist uses this to subtly shift the conversation from your success to either their own achievements or problems.

For instance, if you share some good news, they might respond with “I’m happy for you, but I just had the worst day…”

In this scenario, they’re attempting to redirect the focus and sympathy back onto themselves.

While it might appear as empathy or shared excitement at first glance, it’s actually a strategically placed roadblock in your conversation.

The goal?

To divert attention away from you and back onto them.

This tactic can be more difficult to spot because it’s cloaked in feigned concern or shared joy. But being aware of this conversational pivot can help you maintain control of the dialogue and keep the focus where it belongs – on your good news.

3) “No one understands me like you do”

This phrase can often be used by narcissists to create a false sense of intimacy or exclusivity.

The underlying intention is to make you feel special and valued, thus ensuring your continued attention and validation.

When a narcissist says “No one understands me like you do”, they are employing a tactic known as ‘love bombing’.

Love bombing is the practice of overwhelming someone with signs of adoration and attraction — it’s meant to manipulate you into a state of high emotional dependency.

While it may seem flattering at first, it’s important to remember that this is a control mechanism, not a compliment.

The narcissist is not praising your unique understanding of them, but rather using you to fulfill their need for constant validation and attention. Recognizing this can help you maintain perspective and guard against manipulation.

4) “I never said that”

This phrase is a common one you might hear when interacting with a narcissist.

They may use it to deny something they’ve said before, effectively gaslighting you into doubting your own memory or understanding of the situation.

When a narcissist says “I never said that”, they’re trying to rewrite history in their favor. It can be incredibly confusing and may leave you questioning your own sanity.

It’s crucial to remember that this isn’t about your ability to remember or comprehend what’s been said. It’s a tactic used by the narcissist to maintain control and avoid accountability.

Trust in your own perceptions and experiences, even if someone else tries to convince you otherwise. You know your truth, and it’s important to stand by it.

5) “I don’t want to argue”

On the surface, this statement seems like a mature approach to avoid conflict. However, when used by a narcissist, it’s often a strategy to dismiss your feelings or concerns.

For example, you might raise an issue that’s bothering you and instead of addressing it, they respond with “I don’t want to argue”. It can make you feel as though you’re being unreasonable for bringing up your feelings or concerns.

But it’s important to remember that expressing your thoughts and feelings in a relationship is not arguing, it’s communicating.

If someone consistently uses this phrase to avoid discussing issues, it could be a sign of their unwillingness to engage in open and honest communication.

6) “You’re too sensitive”

This phrase is a classic go-to for narcissists when they want to deflect criticism or responsibility. It’s designed to belittle your feelings and make you question your reactions.

Here’s an example: You express your feelings about a comment they made that upset you. Instead of validating your feelings or apologizing, they respond with “You’re too sensitive”.

In this case, the narcissist is shifting the blame onto you, making it seem as if you’re overreacting, rather than acknowledging their own hurtful behavior.

It’s a manipulative tactic that minimizes your feelings and centers their perspective.

7) “Everyone agrees with me”

This phrase is a powerful tool in the narcissist’s arsenal. By implying that ‘everyone’ shares their viewpoint, they attempt to undermine your confidence and make you feel isolated in your beliefs or feelings.

When a narcissist uses this phrase, it’s important to remember that it’s likely an exaggeration. Their objective is not to report a fact, but rather to manipulate and control the narrative.

Keep in mind that even if others do agree with them, it doesn’t invalidate your feelings or perceptions.

Don’t let this manipulative tactic sway you from standing up for what you believe in and expressing your feelings. Stand your ground and trust in your own perspective.

8) “You’re overthinking this”

Often used to dismiss your concerns or thoughts, this phrase is a classic way for a narcissist to maintain control.

When they tell you “You’re overthinking this”, they’re suggesting that your worries or concerns are frivolous or irrational. This can lead you to doubt your own judgment and decision-making abilities.

However, it’s crucial to remember that your thoughts and concerns are valid.

If something feels off or wrong, it’s okay to acknowledge it and take it seriously. Don’t allow someone else’s dismissal to make you question your own intuition or understanding.

In the end, the key to dealing with a narcissist is understanding their tactics and standing firm in your own truth. Trust yourself, value your feelings, and don’t let anyone else undermine your worth.

Conclusion

In the end, the key to dealing with a narcissist is understanding their tactics and standing firm in your own truth. Recognizing the phrases a narcissist uses to one-up you is the first step in protecting yourself from their manipulation.

By understanding these tactics, you can maintain your own sense of self-worth and avoid getting caught in their web of superiority.

Next time you find yourself in a conversation with a narcissist, you’ll be armed with the knowledge to stay grounded and keep the conversation from spiraling.

Trust yourself, value your feelings, and don’t let anyone else undermine your worth!

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