Why arguing with an arrogant person never works (and what to do instead)

From the Personal Branding Blog

We’ve all been there. Stuck in a heated debate with an arrogant person who refuses to see reason.

Arguing with an arrogant person is like trying to win a race against a cheetah; it’s nearly impossible. They’re set in their ways, confident in their view and deaf to any opposing insights.

The problem isn’t really about winning or losing the argument, it’s about dealing with the stubbornness and closed-mindedness that arrogant people often exhibit.

But don’t despair. There are effective ways to deal with such individuals without losing your cool.

In this article, “Why arguing with an arrogant person never works (and what to do instead)”, I’ll provide you with some practical advice to turn these frustrating encounters into productive ones. Stay tuned!

1) Defensiveness reigns supreme

Engaging with an arrogant person can feel like walking into a verbal battlefield.

Arrogance tends to breed defensiveness. When you argue with someone who is arrogant, they’re often not actually listening to your points, but rather preparing their next counterattack.

The issue here is that their goal isn’t to reach a mutual understanding or solution, but rather to prove themselves right. This makes any form of productive discussion incredibly difficult.

In fact, studies show that when people feel attacked, they dig their heels in even deeper into their current beliefs, regardless of the evidence presented to them. This is termed as the “backfire effect”.

So, when you argue with an arrogant person, instead of opening up their mind, you may just be fortifying their already unyielding beliefs.

Understanding this fundamental aspect can help you approach interactions with arrogant people differently, focusing more on strategies that diffuse defensiveness rather than provoke it.

2) Personal experience: The wall of arrogance

I remember a time when I had a colleague who was incredibly arrogant. Let’s call him John.

John was the kind of guy who always thought he was right, even when he wasn’t. He would dismiss other people’s ideas without giving them a second thought, confident that his perspective was superior.

One day, we had a disagreement over how to handle a project. I tried to explain my point of view, laying out my arguments with evidence and reason, but John simply wouldn’t budge.

It felt like talking to a brick wall.

Instead of considering my points, he became defensive and started to attack my ideas more fiercely, ignoring the validity of my arguments and focusing on proving himself right.

That day, I realized that arguing with an arrogant person like John was counterproductive. It didn’t matter how sound my arguments were, his arrogance prevented him from listening and understanding.

From then on, I decided to change my approach when dealing with John and others like him, focusing on strategies that could bypass their arrogance instead of confronting it head-on.

3) The role of cognitive biases

Cognitive biases play a huge role in how we interact with the world. These are mental shortcuts or patterns of thinking that can often lead us to make irrational decisions or judgments.

When dealing with arrogance, the bias known as “confirmation bias” comes into play. This is the tendency for people to seek out and interpret information in a way that confirms their existing beliefs.

So, when you argue with an arrogant person, they’re likely filtering everything you say through their confirmation bias. They cherry-pick the parts of your argument that fit their narrative and ignore the rest, making it nearly impossible to get through to them.

Understanding this cognitive bias can help us tailor our approach in these difficult conversations, focusing on methods that might bypass this mental filter.

4) Energy drain

Arguing with an arrogant person is not just mentally but also emotionally draining. It can leave you feeling exhausted, frustrated, and demotivated.

This is because such arguments are rarely about finding common ground or resolving issues. Instead, they become about bruised egos and trying to prove one’s superiority.

This unproductive expenditure of energy can affect your mental wellbeing, productivity, and even your relationships with others.

So, instead of wasting energy on futile arguments, it’s far more beneficial to invest it in constructive conversations or better yet, in developing strategies to handle arrogant people effectively.

5) The human connection

At the heart of all our interactions, there’s a fundamental need for understanding and connection. We’re social creatures, after all.

But when you argue with an arrogant person, that human connection often gets lost in the power struggle. Instead of fostering mutual respect and empathy, the interaction becomes a battleground where only one can emerge victorious.

This not only damages the relationship but also robs us of the opportunity to learn from each other and grow together. Because, despite our differences, each one of us has something valuable to offer.

Remembering this can help us approach these challenging interactions with more patience and compassion, focusing on building bridges instead of walls.

6) The struggle for self-esteem

I’ve often found that behind the mask of arrogance, there’s usually a struggle for self-esteem.

Years ago, I had a friend who was always the loudest in the room, constantly trying to prove her intellect and superiority. It wasn’t until we had a heart-to-heart conversation one day that I realized her arrogance was a defense mechanism. She was battling feelings of inadequacy and was using arrogance to mask her insecurities.

This realization shifted my perspective entirely. Instead of getting frustrated with her arrogance, I started to see it as a cry for validation and acceptance.

Understanding that arrogance can often be a cover for deeper insecurities can help us approach these individuals with more empathy and patience.

7) Lack of progress

One of the most frustrating aspects of arguing with an arrogant person is the lack of progress. No matter how much you discuss, debate, or even argue, it feels like you’re running in circles.

The conversation becomes a broken record, repeating the same points over and over again without reaching a resolution. This can lead to feelings of stagnation and frustration.

Instead of getting stuck in this cycle, it’s essential to adapt our communication strategies. Sometimes, it may involve disengaging from the argument and addressing the issue at a later time or in a different manner. Other times, it might require seeking a third-party perspective to mediate the conversation.

8) It’s not about winning

The most important thing to remember when dealing with an arrogant person is that it’s not about winning the argument.

The goal should be to communicate effectively, foster understanding, and preserve the relationship. If you go into a conversation with the mindset of winning, you’re likely to escalate the situation further.

So instead of trying to “win” an argument, focus on creating a space where both parties can express their views respectfully and openly. This shift in approach can lead to more productive conversations and healthier relationships.

Final thoughts: The power of empathy

The complexities of human interactions and emotions often boil down to our ability to empathize.

When it comes to dealing with arrogance, empathy might be the key that unlocks understanding and progress. It allows us to see beyond the surface-level bravado and into the insecurities that often fuel such behavior.

Remember, every arrogant person we encounter is navigating their own journey, battling their own demons, and seeking validation in their own unique way.

They are not our adversaries to defeat in an argument, but fellow humans with whom we share this world.

So next time you find yourself gearing up for a battle of words with an arrogant person, take a step back. Try to see the world from their perspective.

It might not change their arrogance, but it will most certainly change the way you respond to it. And in that shift, you might find the key to transforming these challenging interactions into opportunities for growth and understanding.

In the end, it’s not about who is right and who is wrong. It’s about fostering a sense of connection and respect, even when our viewpoints diverge. That’s the real victory.

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