8 phrases men use when they lack basic communication skills, according to psychology

From the Personal Branding Blog

There’s a stark difference between effective communication and poor communication.

This difference boils down to understanding. Poor communication is when someone isn’t able to express themselves clearly, hiding behind vague phrases.

Effective communication, however, is transparent and allows for a healthy exchange of ideas.

As a man, it’s crucial to recognize when we’re not communicating well. Psychology tells us that there are certain phrases men often use when they lack basic communication skills.

Here are some of these phrases to help you identify and improve your communication style.

1) “Whatever”

Communication is pivotal in all aspects of life, but it’s particularly crucial in interpersonal relationships.

Psychologists often hear this phrase during relationship counseling sessions. The term “whatever” is commonly used by men who struggle with basic communication skills.

The term “whatever” is a dismissal, an attempt to end a conversation without truly engaging or resolving any issues. It’s a defense mechanism that shields the individual from having to deal with complex emotions or conflicts.

This phrase is often used when a man feels overwhelmed or unable to articulate his feelings. However, it can be damaging to relationships as it prevents open and honest communication.

Recognizing and replacing this phrase with more constructive dialogue can dramatically improve communication and overall relationship health.

2) “I’m fine”

Everyone has heard this one before. “I’m fine” is a phrase many men, myself included, use when we don’t want to express our emotions.

Let me share a personal example. There was a time when I was going through an incredibly stressful period at work. However, whenever my friends and family asked me how I was doing, my automated answer was always, “I’m fine.”

But the truth was, I wasn’t fine. What I was doing was avoiding expressing my feelings because I didn’t want to appear weak or burden others with my problems.

According to psychology, this phrase is a clear indicator of poor communication skills. It’s a shield behind which we hide our vulnerabilities.

Learning to articulate our feelings and opening up about our emotional state can significantly improve our communication and foster deeper connections with others. And trust me, it did wonders for me when I started practicing it.

3) “It’s not a big deal”

In the realm of communication, “It’s not a big deal” is another phrase often used by men who struggle with expressing their feelings and thoughts.

This statement is used to downplay situations, often those that may hold emotional significance. It’s a way to avoid having to delve into deeper emotional territory and potentially reveal vulnerability.

Here’s something to ponder – a study conducted by the American Psychological Association found that men who frequently use phrases like “It’s not a big deal” to avoid expressing their emotions, are more likely to experience stress, anxiety, and depression.

Replacing dismissive language with open and expressive communication can not only improve relationships but also contribute positively to mental health.

4) “I don’t know”

“I don’t know” is a phrase that can be a significant red flag in communication. It’s often used as a fallback when men find it challenging to express their thoughts and feelings adequately.

More often than not, this phrase isn’t indicative of a lack of knowledge but rather an unwillingness or inability to share emotions or thoughts. It’s a defensive mechanism that allows for an escape from potentially uncomfortable conversations.

The key to overcoming this block is to foster an environment of understanding and patience. Encouraging exploration of thoughts and feelings can help replace “I don’t know” with more insightful and open responses.

5) “Can we not talk about this now?”

“Can we not talk about this now?” This phrase is a classic example of avoidance, often used when emotions run high or when the topic of conversation is uncomfortable.

It’s heartbreaking to hear, especially when it’s said to avoid honest, open communication. It’s as if a wall is being built, preventing any genuine connection or understanding.

This phrase doesn’t just avoid a particular topic; it avoids emotional intimacy altogether. It postpones essential conversations, often leaving issues unresolved and feelings unexpressed.

Replacing this phrase with “Can we talk about this later?” can make a world of difference. It acknowledges the importance of the conversation but requests a pause, allowing time to gather thoughts and emotions. It maintains the connection while offering space, which is crucial for healthy communication.

6) “It doesn’t matter”

“It doesn’t matter” – This is a phrase I’ve used more times than I can count. What it often means is that I’m trying to avoid conflict or I don’t want to delve into the emotional depth of a situation.

There was a time when a close friend made a comment that hurt my feelings. Instead of expressing my hurt, I shrugged it off saying, “It doesn’t matter.”

In reality, it did matter. It mattered a lot. But acknowledging that would mean confronting my friend and potentially causing conflict, which I wanted to avoid.

This phrase is often an indicator of unresolved emotions and can lead to feelings of resentment over time. Learning to express ourselves honestly, even when it leads to uncomfortable conversations, can strengthen our relationships and our internal emotional landscape.

7) “I don’t want to argue”

“I don’t want to argue” is a phrase that men often use when they want to avoid conflict. It’s a way of shutting down a conversation prematurely, often leaving the other party feeling unheard or dismissed.

While it’s important to avoid unnecessary conflict, it’s equally important to engage in healthy debates and discussions. Avoiding arguments entirely can lead to missed opportunities for growth and understanding.

Replacing this phrase with “Can we discuss this calmly?” can aid in fostering productive conversations rather than heated arguments. It’s a small change, but one that can significantly improve the quality of communication.

8) “Nothing”

The phrase “Nothing” is perhaps the most telling of all when it comes to poor communication skills. It’s often used as a response when men are asked what’s wrong or what they’re thinking.

This one-word answer can be incredibly frustrating for the person trying to engage in a conversation. It shuts down any possibility of dialogue, leaving no room for understanding or connection.

The most important thing you should know about this phrase is that “Nothing” rarely means nothing. It’s often a cover for a multitude of thoughts, feelings, and emotions that the person doesn’t feel capable of expressing.

Final thoughts: It’s all about understanding

In the context of men and communication, phrases like “I’m fine” or “It’s not a big deal” often hide a deeper struggle to express emotions and thoughts.

According to Dr. John Gottman, renowned psychologist and relationship expert, the key to successful communication in any relationship is understanding. This involves acknowledging the validity of each other’s feelings and creating a safe space for open dialogue.

For men struggling with basic communication skills, recognizing these common phrases is the first step towards improvement. Replacing them with more expressive language can open the doors to greater understanding, fostering healthier relationships and personal growth.

As we navigate this journey of improved communication, remember that it’s not about perfection but progress. Striving for better understanding can make all the difference.

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