9 things you should never say to an emotionally wounded woman, according to psychology

From the Personal Branding Blog

Life can be messy, seriously messy.

And out of all the messed up things, communication with people who are emotionally wounded can be like navigating a minefield.

One wrong word, and boom! You’re neck-deep in a pool of regret and a rain of ‘I-didn’t-mean-that’.

Particularly when you’re dealing with women carrying these invisible emotional scars, because let’s face it, society has done a bang-up job of teaching them to bottle up their feelings.

So, what do we do? Can we get a handbook on ‘What not to say’?

Well, you’re in luck because that’s exactly what this article is about.

We’re about to explore the 9 things we should never say to an emotionally wounded woman, and this isn’t just a random compilation. It’s backed by the science of psychology.

These insights aim to arm you with the understanding needed to navigate these delicate conversations more thoughtfully. We’re here to help you foster healthier, more empathetic relationships. So let’s dive in and broaden our understanding of emotional sensitivity and respect.

1) Dismissing her feelings

Have you ever told someone “You shouldn’t feel that way”?

If you have, you might want to rethink your approach. One of the most hurtful things you can do to an emotionally wounded woman is to dismiss or invalidate her feelings.

Everyone has the right to feel their emotions, regardless of whether others understand them or not.

When you tell a woman that she shouldn’t feel a certain way, what you’re essentially doing is invalidating her experience.

It’s like saying her feelings aren’t important or real. This can be incredibly damaging, especially for someone who is already emotionally wounded.

Instead of dismissing her feelings, try acknowledging them and showing empathy. A simple “I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way” can go a long way in helping her feel understood and supported.

2) Comparing her situation

Can you recall a time when you were sharing a painful experience with someone and they responded with, “Well, at least it’s not as bad as…”?

Such comparisons, while they may be intended to lighten the load, often result in the opposite.

Comparing an emotionally wounded woman’s situation to another person’s can unintentionally minimize her pain and struggle.

It’s as if her emotional state is being put on a scale and weighed against someone else’s. This can lead to feelings of guilt for expressing her pain, or even a sense of isolation.

For instance, let’s say a friend has just gone through a difficult breakup. She’s devastated and shares her feelings with you. Responding with, “At least he didn’t cheat on you like what happened with the other ex,” doesn’t lessen her pain. Instead, it might make her feel like her suffering is insignificant compared to his other exes.

A more supportive response would be to acknowledge her emotions without bringing in unnecessary comparisons. You could say something like, “I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Breakups are tough, and it’s okay to feel upset about it.”

This kind of empathetic response validates Jane’s feelings and assures her that it’s okay to feel what she’s feeling without guilt or judgment attached.

3) Offering unsolicited advice

Renowned psychologist Dr. Carl Rogers once said, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good!”

When a woman is nursing emotional wounds, she is often looking for someone who will simply listen, not someone who jumps in with advice or quick fixes. Offering unsolicited advice can make her feel as if her ability to handle her own situation is being underestimated.

It’s natural to want to help when we see someone in pain.

However, unless she specifically asks for your advice, it’s better to hold back and just lend a listening ear. A response such as “That sounds really tough; I’m here for you,” can be far more comforting than any piece of advice.

Understanding and empathy are powerful tools. They convey the message that you’re there to support her through her pain, not to fix it for her.

4) Telling her to “Move on”

Imagine for a second that you’ve been through a traumatic experience. You’re doing your best to cope, but the emotional pain is still raw. Then, someone drops the seemingly harmless line, “You need to move on.” Suddenly, the wound feels fresh again.

Telling an emotionally wounded woman to “move on” or “get over it” can come across as dismissive and insensitive. It implies that there’s a set timeline for healing, which isn’t the case. Healing from emotional wounds is a deeply personal process, and everyone moves at their own pace.

Instead of suggesting she should hurry up and heal, try expressing your support for her journey.

A more empathetic response could be, “Take all the time you need to heal. I’m here for you every step of the way.” This approach shows respect for her personal healing process and reinforces your support, making her feel less alone in her journey towards recovery.

5) Denying her reality

Denial or avoidance of a person’s emotional realities can actually amplify their distress. This is particularly relevant when it comes to interacting with an emotionally wounded woman.

When you deny or avoid acknowledging her pain or the situation causing it, you’re indirectly telling her that her reality isn’t significant or even real.

Phrases like “It’s all in your head” or “You’re overreacting” can be incredibly damaging. They invalidate her feelings and experiences, potentially causing further emotional trauma.

Instead, try to accept and acknowledge her reality, even if you don’t fully understand it. Say something like, “I can see how upset you are about this. I may not fully understand what you’re going through, but I’m here to support you.”

6) Trying to fix her

A friend of mine, let’s call her Lisa, was going through a rough phase after a major life disappointment.

One day, we were talking about it and I found myself saying, “You need to stop dwelling on it. You should do this… or try that…”

The moment these words left my mouth, I saw her face change. It wasn’t comfort or relief I saw, but more pain.

When interacting with an emotionally wounded woman like Lisa, it’s important to remember that your role isn’t to fix her or remedy her situation. She isn’t broken. She’s going through a difficult time and needs understanding and empathy, not a repair manual.

Instead of trying to fix her situation or change her feelings, simply be there for her.

Encourage her by saying something like, “I believe in you and your strength. It’s okay to feel the way you do. And no matter what, I’m here for you.” This approach reinforces her own capability and resilience, while also offering the support she needs during this challenging time.

7) Minimizing her pain

A common mistake many of us make when interacting with someone who’s emotionally wounded is minimizing their pain.

Comments such as “It’s not a big deal” or “Things could be worse” may seem like they provide perspective, but they can actually belittle her feelings and experiences.

Pain is subjective and personal. What might seem minor to you could be a major source of distress for her. By minimizing her pain, you inadvertently make her feel unheard and misunderstood.

Instead, validate her emotions and empathize with her. Phrases like “I understand this is really hard for you” or “It sounds like you’re going through a tough time” acknowledge her feelings without judgment or comparison. This can help her feel heard and supported, which is crucial for emotional healing.

8) Using clichés

While phrases like “Everything happens for a reason” or “Time heals all wounds” might be said with good intentions, they can often come across as empty clichés to someone who is emotionally wounded.

These clichéd phrases, although meant to provide comfort, can sometimes make her feel like you’re not truly acknowledging her pain.

They give the impression of a one-size-fits-all solution to complex emotional issues, which can be dismissive and unhelpful.

Instead of resorting to clichés, try expressing genuine concern and empathy.

Phrases like “I’m really sorry you’re going through this” or “I’m here for you, no matter what” can offer much more comfort and understanding.

Genuine words of support show you’re truly present and invested in her emotional well-being.

9) Ignoring her struggles

Finally, one of the most harmful things you can do when interacting with an emotionally wounded woman is to ignore or overlook her struggles.

This can include changing the subject when she brings up her emotional pain or avoiding discussions about her feelings entirely.

Ignoring her struggles sends a clear message that her pain is unimportant or uncomfortable for you.

This can lead to feelings of isolation and may prevent her from opening up in the future.

Instead of ignoring her struggles, make an effort to engage with her about them. You don’t need to have all the answers or the right words. Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can say is, “I don’t know what to say right now, but I want you to know that I care and I’m here for you.”

The bottom line

Communicating with an emotionally wounded woman requires a special blend of empathy, patience, and understanding. It’s about acknowledging her pain, validating her feelings, and offering your support without judgments, comparisons, or clichés.

Everyone heals at their own pace and in their own way.

So the next time you find yourself in a conversation with someone dealing with emotional wounds, keep these points in mind.

You might just provide the understanding and support they need at that moment.

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