10 classic signs of a fake friend, according to psychology

From the Personal Branding Blog

There’s a thin line between a true friend and a fake one.

This line is often blurred, making it hard to figure out. You know, the one who’s always there for you or the one who’s just around when it’s convenient.

Psychology has a lot to say about this. It offers clear markers that can help you spot a fake friend from miles away.

In this article, I’m going to share 10 classic signs of a fake friend, according to psychology. Read on to get enlightened and save yourself some heartache.

1) They’re only around during the good times

We all know them, the friends that are there for the parties, the laughter, the fun… but mysteriously disappear when things take a turn for the worse.

Psychology calls this phenomenon fair-weather friendship. These so-called friends are present when everything is smooth sailing, but jump ship the moment things get tough.

True friendship, on the other hand, withstands both the highs and the lows. A real friend is someone who sticks by your side through thick and thin.

2) They’re never genuinely happy for your success

This one really hit home for me when I got promoted a few years back. I was thrilled and couldn’t wait to share the news with my friends.

Most of them were ecstatic for me, but there was one who just couldn’t seem to share in my joy. She faked a smile, mumbled a half-hearted congratulations and quickly changed the subject.

This is a textbook sign of a fake friend. True friends celebrate each other’s wins and are genuinely happy when good things happen.

If someone can’t muster genuine happiness for your successes, it might be time to question the authenticity of that friendship.

3) They’re quick to criticize and slow to praise

Did you know that the human brain reacts more intensely to negative events than to positive ones? It’s a phenomenon known as negativity bias, and it can really mess with our perception of people.

When you have a friend who’s constantly criticizing you, it can feel like you’re under a microscope. This negativity bias means that their criticisms will stick in your mind far more than their rare words of praise.

Genuine friends are constructive, not destructive. They’ll offer suggestions and advice, but they’ll also be the first ones to celebrate your strengths. If you’re in a friendship where criticism outweighs praise, it might be worth a second look.

4) They’re always the victim

Ever noticed how some people always seem to have something going wrong in their lives? And it’s never their fault, but someone else’s?

This perpetual victim mentality is a classic sign of a fake friend. They constantly shift blame and refuse to take responsibility for their actions.

Real friends own up to their mistakes and learn from them. They don’t play the victim card every time something goes wrong. If your friend is always the victim in their stories, it might be time to reevaluate the friendship.

5) They’re not there when you need them

Life has a way of throwing curveballs at us. Whether it’s an emotional crisis or a flat tire in the middle of nowhere, these are the moments when true friends step up.

A fake friend, however, will be conspicuously absent during your time of need. They might have an endless string of excuses or might not even respond to your messages or calls.

To put it simply, a friend who’s not there for you when you’re in need might not be a friend at all. Genuine friends show up – no matter what.

6) They don’t value your time

Your time is precious. It’s a gift you choose to share with the people you care about. But what happens when this gift is taken for granted?

A fake friend doesn’t respect your time. They might cancel plans at the last minute, constantly show up late, or never seem to be fully present when they’re with you.

On the flip side, true friends understand the importance of your time. They respect it, value it, and make the most of the moments they share with you.

Every moment spent with someone who doesn’t value your time is a moment lost with someone who does.

7) They gossip about other friends

I remember once overhearing a friend talking about me behind my back. The sting of betrayal was sharp and painful. It left me questioning the integrity of our friendship.

This is a common behavior of fake friends. They have a tendency to gossip about others, spreading rumors and sharing secrets that were told in confidence.

If you have a friend who talks about others behind their backs, it’s likely they’re doing the same about you when you’re not around. Trust is the foundation of any true friendship, and gossip is a clear sign that this trust may be lacking.

8) They’re overly nice to you

We often think that a good friend is someone who’s always nice to us. But, what if they’re always, all the time, excessively nice?

This might seem like a great thing, but it can actually be a red flag. A friend who never disagrees, never challenges, and is always on your side no matter what can be hiding something.

True friends are honest and sincere. They aren’t afraid to disagree or tell you when you’re wrong. If your friend is constantly agreeing and complimenting you without any constructive feedback, it might be time to question the authenticity of their niceness.

9) They don’t respect your boundaries

Boundaries are important in any relationship, including friendships. They help maintain respect and understanding between two people.

However, a fake friend doesn’t respect these boundaries. They might make you feel uncomfortable, ask inappropriate questions, or insist on doing things you’re not comfortable with.

A true friend will always respect your boundaries and ensure that the friendship is a safe space for both of you. If your friend frequently crosses the line, it’s a clear sign that they might not be as genuine as you thought.

10) They make you feel drained

The most telling sign of a fake friend is how you feel after spending time with them.

If you often leave their company feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted, it’s a red flag. Friendships should be uplifting and energizing, not draining.

A true friend will leave you feeling better about yourself, not worse. So trust your feelings. If your friendship feels more like a chore than a joy, it might be time to reassess its authenticity.

The power of self-awareness

Navigating the complex world of human relationships can be tricky, and recognizing fake friends is often part of the journey. But remember, it’s not just about identifying the signs in others, it’s equally important to reflect on our own behavior.

As the Greek philosopher Socrates once said, “An unexamined life is not worth living.” This wisdom holds true in friendships too. By being aware of these signs, we not only protect ourselves from fake friendships, but also strive to be better friends ourselves.

It’s about cultivating relationships that are authentic, respectful, and enriching. Friendships that uplift us and make us better individuals. After all, isn’t that what true friendship is all about?

So take a moment to reflect. How do your friendships measure up? And more importantly, how do you measure up as a friend?

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