8 clever ways to deal with an entitled and disrespectful adult child

From the Personal Branding Blog

As a parent, watching your child grow into adulthood is a journey filled with pride, joy, and sometimes unexpected challenges.

But what happens when that once-adorable child becomes an entitled and disrespectful adult?

It can be disheartening to realize that the values you instilled may not have taken root as you hoped. You might find yourself feeling frustrated, confused, or even guilty, questioning where you went wrong.

But take heart—you’re not alone, and there are ways to navigate this difficult terrain.

In this article, we’ll explore eight clever strategies for dealing with an entitled and disrespectful adult child.

These approaches are designed to foster healthier communication, establish boundaries, and encourage accountability, helping you reclaim the respect and harmony you deserve in your relationship.

1) Communication is key

In any relationship, communication is crucial, and it’s no different with your adult child.

When dealing with entitlement and disrespect, it’s easy to let emotions rule and react impulsively. But this often leads to more harm than good.

It might sound cliché, but open communication can create wonders.

Tell your child how their actions affect you. This isn’t about blaming or shaming, it’s about sharing perspectives.

But be prepared; it may not be warmly received at first. Entitled people often struggle with criticism, so stand your ground and stick with it.

2) Firm boundaries are a must

I know this one all too well. I learned the hard way that setting firm boundaries is essential when dealing with an entitled and disrespectful adult child.

My son, let’s call him Mark, was always asking for money. He would spend it recklessly and then come back for more. I soon realized that my constant giving was only fueling his sense of entitlement.

So, I decided to lay down some ground rules. I made it clear that the Bank of Mom was closing.

Was it easy?

Certainly not. Mark didn’t take it well at first and there were some heated arguments.

But I stood firm. And over time, he began to understand that he needed to take responsibility for his own finances.

Setting boundaries wasn’t about punishing Mark or withholding love. It was about teaching him respect and responsibility – essential life skills that he needed to learn.

3) Emotional intelligence plays a big role

Emotional intelligence, or EQ, is the ability to understand, use, and manage our own emotions in positive ways to:

• Relieve stress
• Communicate effectively
• Empathize with others
• Overcome challenges
• Defuse conflict

Interestingly, many experts believe that emotional intelligence is more important than IQ in almost every area of life.

When dealing with an entitled adult child, this understanding becomes crucial as their disrespectful behavior might stem from their inability to handle their emotions effectively.

We often learn more from what is caught than what is taught.

By modeling emotional intelligence yourself – responding calmly to their outbursts, showing empathy towards their feelings, and managing your own emotions – you can help guide them towards better emotional management.

Leading by example is a subtle way of influencing an adult child’s behavior without being manipulative.

4) Practice patience

I know, it’s easier said than done – believe me. But patience is a virtue, especially when dealing with an entitled and disrespectful adult child.

Change takes time. And the journey from entitlement to respect is not a straight path; there will be ups and downs.

It’s easy to lose your temper when they push your buttons, but reacting impulsively can escalate the situation and make things worse.

Instead, try to stay calm and composed. This doesn’t mean letting them walk all over you; rather it’s about responding rather than reacting.

5) Remember your love for them

In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to lose sight of the fact that this entitled and disrespectful adult is your child. The same child whose laughter once filled your home, whose tiny hand once fit perfectly in yours.

Their behavior might be hurtful, and it’s okay to feel hurt. But beneath all the entitlement and disrespect, they are still the child you love.

This is not about excusing their behavior or letting them off the hook. It’s about reminding yourself that your actions come from a place of love, not retaliation.

By remembering your love for them, you can approach the situation with compassion and understanding, instead of anger and resentment. This emotional shift can make a world of difference in how you interact with them.

6) Take care of yourself too

It’s easy to get so wrapped up in managing your child’s behavior that you forget about your own well-being. I’ve been there.

I remember a time when I was so focused on my child that I neglected my own health, both physical and mental. I was constantly stressed, losing sleep, and my health started to deteriorate.

Eventually I realized that I couldn’t help my child if I wasn’t taking care of myself.

So, make sure to prioritize self-care. Do things that bring you joy and relaxation. It could be:

• Reading a book
• Going for a walk
• Having a cup of tea in silence

By nurturing yourself, you’ll be better equipped to support your child and navigate the challenges that arise together.

7) Don’t enable their behavior

As a parent, it’s natural to want to help your child. But sometimes, our well-intentioned help can turn into enabling, particularly when dealing with an entitled adult child.

Enabling is when we remove the natural consequences of someone’s behavior. It could be:

• Constantly loaning them money
• Cleaning up their messes
• Shielding them from negative feedback

While it may seem like you’re helping in the short term, enabling can reinforce their entitlement and disrespect in the long run.

It’s important to let them experience the consequences of their actions. Sometimes the best way to show love is to let go and let them learn from their own mistakes.

8) Seek professional help if needed

There’s no shame in asking for help. Sometimes, the challenges we face with our adult children go beyond our capabilities to handle them effectively.

It’s okay to admit that you’re in over your head. This doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a parent; it just means that the situation requires expertise that you might not possess.

A qualified therapist or counselor can provide valuable insights and strategies to help manage your child’s entitled behavior. They can also assist in improving communication between you and your child, which can go a long way in resolving conflicts.

Final thoughts: It’s all part of the journey

We often blame ourselves for our children’s actions. But it’s important to remember that every adult is responsible for their own behavior.

Your child’s entitlement and disrespect are not a reflection of your parenting. They’re choices your child is making.

So, don’t blame yourself or carry unnecessary guilt. Instead, focus on what you can control – your responses, your actions, and your attitudes.

Remember, you’re doing the best you can with the resources you have. Be gentle with yourself. You deserve kindness too.

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