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Man Takes Viagra, Wears Sweatpants for TSA Pat Down
“Sir, thank you for cooperating with TSA regulations, but this is the 6th time you’ve been through security. You really don’t need to come back here anymore.”
NASHVILLE INT’L AIRPORT — A Wyoming man walked through a TSA checkpoint with a raging erection on Tuesday, daring TSA officers and even fellow passengers to give him an invasive pat down.
“I’m next,” Warren Kelvin, 34, screamed as he pushed to the front of the security line. According to TSA officials, Kelvin had ingested two Viagra and wore sweatpants without boxers for his Southwest flight from Nashville to Phoenix.
“I thought he was carrying a baton in his pants,” said Amanda Watershed, second shift supervisor of the A Terminal at Nashville International Airport. “Nope… That was his penis.”
Even though TSA officials allowed Kelvin to initially pass through security without the controversial pat down, the passenger on more than one occasion got back in line until he felt that he had been thoroughly inspected. Kelvin finally got the invasive pat down by 38-year-old officer Duncan Allbright after 80 minutes and four trips through security.
“Even after we let him pass through he kept walking out of the terminal and getting back in line,” said Watershed. “Finally, Duncan had to bite the bullet for everyone and do a thorough screening of him in a private [security] room.”
Allbright, a 14-year veteran of airport security, announced his retirement shortly after Kelvin boarded the plane. “I’m going home to take a shower and make love to my wife,” said Allbright as he got into his car. “This job isn’t for me. I’ve suddenly lost my passion for touching strangers.”
U.S Homeland Security director Janet Napolitano dismissed concerns that more TSA officers would quit or that more travelers would take similar measures to get their “jollies”. “I am hoping this is an isolated incident. If flights were a lot cheaper, I could see more people doing this,” said Napolitano, “but with the cost of airplane fuel rising, I don’t think $560 roundtrip is a bargain price to get fondled.”
Calls to TSA headquarters went unanswered, as everyone there is just exhausted.
By Garrett Baldwin
www.twitter.com/GarrettBaldwin
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Whistler Blowers, Insiders
Viva La American Red Necks!!!
Give those perverted TSA agents what they want x 10!!! Make them choke on it until they stop the insanity!
Let’s exchange this pat down “favor” with TSA agents so they better understand how it feels. Arm yourselves with viagra, sweatpants, bad body odor, dirty underwear and give them the full treatment!
If they want civil war… let’s make smelly!
)
Is that a stick in your pocket, or are you glad to see me ?
In Janet Napolitano’s own words…TSA exists to “fondle” citizens. What more proof do American citizens and the courts need? It’s outright assault and battery!
THERE IT IS!!!!!! She finally admits that the TSA is “fondling” us!!!!! HA!!!
Made the guy retire even…..lololololol…the ultimate WTFBBQPWND!!!!!…lololol
that job would not be worth the money, that man made the right decision lol (this sounds like an Onion article)
LOL hilarious satire… why do “readers” imagine that everything happened word for word as they read it? The mind is like an open zone right now. Anything can be implanted
now that is way funny….also, some lady already tried the reversal…she’s charged with sexual harassment…..they call her the “rosa parks” of TSA
its a joke story.
this never really happened.
Oh no! Really? A fake story? Looks like the source, “The Washington Fancy” is an Onion satire rip off. If this were a true story, best thing I’ve read all day.
Just saw their byline “Your leading misleading source about politics.” DAMN! That said, this is STILL a great idea. I wish I could do this but I’ll have to settle for grabbing TSA agents boobies. And risking arrest. But that’s ok. I’ll take my chance in order to get up stand up. Stand up for my rights.
Just saw their byline “Your leading misleading source about politics.” DAMN! That said, this is STILL a great idea. I wish I could do this but I’ll have to settle for grabbing TSA agents boobies. And risking arrest. But that’s ok. I’ll take my chance in order to get up stand up. Stand up for my rights.
This story is probably fake. If you need it to get an erection and if your straight you have to have a female give you foreplay or kiss you seductively before you can get an erection. The effects usually subside within a few minutes after your partner stops foreplay or when you ejaculate. If he spent 80 minutes in line he would have been as limp as a cooked noodle.
Well, thoughts do become things. Only a matter of time before someone actually does it and it makes the papers.
Only the good decent people will quit.
The perverts and crazies will remain.
Then what?
“This job isn’t for me. I’ve suddenly lost my passion for touching strangers.”
Viva La Viagra
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