A Baker’s Dozen : The first thirteen inmates to go to Alcatraz

NOTE: Please, please, readers! Send us YOUR suggestions as who should go in the first Baker’s Dozen. This is fun, and sarcastic, but it needs YOUR participation! See why at the end.

Now that The Donald has announced that the “crown jewel” of the Golden Gate National Recreation Area, Alcatraz Island itself, is to revert from being a tourist attraction to again being the Ultra-Super-Max of the Feral Prison system, just who should the Courts, DOJ, and of course The Donald himself send there?

(We see that the Babylon Bee has their own wonderful take on who – and also how Alcatraz can be expanded yet still have historic preservation maintained and hold everyone!)

This isn’t the sort of place you want to send border jumpers who kill people in booze-driven traffic accidents or even beating and/or raping their own or others’ wives and children. Not even if they own fentanyl factories and meth labs! You want the limited space and high security of The Rock to be for the special cases – the iron-hardcases.

So here is a first cut:

1. Uncle Joe, the “Big Guy” himself. Not for anything he did as POTUS, but VPOTUS and Senate squatting? Fair game: any honest jury and honest judge (hard to find, I know) will inevitably find him guilty on hundreds of counts.
2. Kammie the Commie: especially since she’d be in her home State, easy for any relatives that can stomach her to visit her. Assuming visitation is allowed. Again, not for anything she did in running for office last year, but for the corruption and lies going back her entire political career. Now, many of her crimes aren’t actually federal crimes, so the judge and jury might need to be deputized.
3. The Donald: All those felonies! All those lies! And don’t worry, I’m sure he will be able to get a good signal from a dozen locations (many government) on shore so he can continue to run (ruin?) the country. And the Secret Service can continue to protect him and add to the security of the guard force – and even cut slots and costs!
4. George W. Bush: Yeah, it has been a few years, but his actions in those years have surely racked up a huge number of charges.
5. Obummer: Again, much as he deserves punishment for what he did in office, there is more than enough to send him to the Rock in the 8 years since – and at least a few years before he occupied 1600 PA. And sometimes, even suspected border-jumpers do enough bad things to deserve the “best.”
6. Michelle: Quite the operator in her own right, but the real reason is to really punish her hubby by forcing them to be cellmates, or at least in the same neighborhood.
7. Fauci: Yes, we know that Uncle Joe gave him a pardon, but as various States convict him of all the really gross, underhanded, and evil things he did to “earn” his FedGov salary, this would be better (and cheaper) than making the States share his incarceration, right?
8. Nancy Pelosi: Among the many other Congresscritturs who made a fortune in “public service” but deserving of more guilt because of her power.
9. – 13. Should be reserved for either nominees by readers OR for a selection of flag officers who clearly failed to honor their oath to defend and protect the Constitution while obeying the lawful orders of those appointed over them. Frankly, Fort Leavenworth and the Disciplinary Barracks seems to be too soft and gentle a place. Again, readers, whom do you suggest deserves this “honor?”

The opportunity (tongue in cheek) to use The Rock to clean up the corruption of government for decades seems to be too good to turn down.

As a matter of transparency, the publisher of The Price of Liberty has indeed served some time on Alcatraz! As a young lieutenant stationed at Fort Scott (part of the Presidio of San Francisco) in D Company, 864th Engineer Battalion (Combat) (Heavy), he and his platoon were sent to Alcatraz Island with their equipment. Not “officially” as punishment, of course, but to clean up the hazmat and contamination left by the prison (which had been closed (1963) for about 18 years at that time) and clean up the destruction left by the occupation of the island by activists of the American Indian Movement a decade earlier (1969-1971). The work, of course, should have been done by the National Park Service after Congress gave the island to the NPS in 1972. But like in so many other places, the NPS shows little sense of responsibility in caring for the lands and structures that Congress gives them oversight of.

We hope you enjoyed this bit of fun. Again, let us know who YOU would send to Alcatraz if you could.

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