Preventing the Dream's Death

I had another uncomfortable conversation with my roomie, Mike. He and I haven’t had a chance to talk much late spring into early autumn of this year because I’ve… just been so out of it. Yet, things regarding plans for the future (especially now that she’s alienated Reese & Sleep) are in flux and we’ve been trying to come up with a long-term plan.

Cat proposed the idea of Amara being our “permanent third” roomie– but not just a renter/roomie, an actual third part-owner of Heron Hold, who would be on the deed and in the will. The third person has to get along with Cat, and that’s the biggest sticking point, because she’s tough to live with! Me, I’m more flexible. I get along with anyone who isn’t a total cunt, really. Cat’s got to be much choosier. She needs someone she both likes and is more comfortable being around emotionally, someone she can socialize with casually, but also someone who she can get into it with on a deeper level. Importantly, they can’t be afraid of her! And whoever the third person is–? I can’t be the “go-between” for them and Cat. They have to hold their own so I can advocate for myself instead of splitting my loyalties to play fair. Whoever moves in with us next needs to be able to confront her, kindly, but clearly. Amara proved at our Mabon meeting that she could do just that. But whether she could sustain it or not is still a big question.

Anyways, I’ve balked at the idea of keeping these plans a secret from our current third householder, Mike, and Cat’s uncomfortable with it as well. She’s eager to look to a hopeful future, but she doesn’t want to feel guilty about it. I told her to bring it up at our next roomie meeting, which is this coming weekend.

But dealing with Cat longer-term came up anyways this morning and I decided to mention our possible longer-term plans with Amara to Mike first. I’m not sure how Cat would phrase it and I already know that her 1 year timeline is probably off by a couple of years, and she can’t force it to go faster, so I told Mike the more complete picture of how things are going. He won’t be kicked out or anything, but eventually, we know he will move on and we’re maneuvering to make the next roomie more of a partner, possibly permanently, if everything lines up nicely.

Mike pretty much shrugged about it, understanding completely. He doesn’t want to feel like he’s leaving us in the lurch either, after all. But, importantly, everyone has lots of time to get used to the idea and figure things out. I can’t take many more horrific surprises in my life. I don’t think anyone can these days. But I also know that without a plan our entire Heron Hold venture will fizzle out. Without Heron Hold, Cat, myself, my sister, and now Amara will survive okay in smaller, more crowded housing- but the dream of a “nice life” is dead for all of us. If we can’t find someone who can deal with “Cat’s crazy” as she herself puts it, then that’s it.