Cat & the Great Dishwasher Loading Controversy

Sometimes Cat drives me insane, and I know I drive her just as insane. I made the mistake of laughing about one of those things and she went to bed all upset last night… [insert long sigh here].

Everyone has their way of doing routine things– like loading a dishwasher. Everyone has their reasons why they do it, and some are logical, while some reasons are entirely arbitrary.

Case in point: I load a dishwasher from the outside edges inwards on the top rack to save space for last-minute awkward dishes that won’t fit anywhere else but the middle. It’s a logical solution I came up with myself.

Cat, however, prefers to start on the outside in for the front of the top rack and then the middle towards the back for the back part. Her reason? That’s how her mother taught her. The truth is that she can’t change because of the autism thing, but she makes up excuses like that it HURTS her physically to do it differently (something she already confessed once isn’t remotely true!) or that her mother and her grandfather were very fussy, clean people. But they’re dead and not here, and further, Cat’s mom had a FILTHY house the last 15 years of her life, so that argument doesn’t stand anyways.

I have a better reason, but really, even I know that it’s pretty fucking petty. Which is why, when I saw Cat move one of my bowls from the back to the front, I snickered. It’s funny! She commented on my laugh, and then she went into her whole spiel, and I got pulled into a semi-serious “right-fight” because if there is a RIGHT way, it’s my more LOGICAL way. But, again, it’s her house and dishwasher and I don’t really care that much. I’m the one who runs the dishes, and I put the dishes where I want them in order to load the most dishes, so I move her shit to work whether she likes it or not and then run the damn dishes! She can’t stop me! I don’t have to move things to make room better THAT much, maybe 1 in 3 or 4 times I run it, but it’s often enough that Cat’s bullshit remains a tiny annoyance. I just have to roll my eyes and move on.

Laughing made sense– the whole thing is absurd!

I understand only too well how it doesn’t matter how right I am. Cat is not easily persuaded to change regardless of logic, reason, or the perfection of an argument. She wants to maintain her own status quo, and she’s got the power, so I just have to suck it up and that’s that. I’m used to this situation. I’ve never had the money and power to just do things MY way my entire adult life. That is what a chronic illness does to you.

Cat can’t really help it either, and I know that. She IS autistic and it makes her super fucking annoying sometimes. My PTSD can make me too intense and even “scary,” and Cat’s autism makes her unreasonable.

Anyways, last night Cat got upset and pouty like she does, so I backed off and apologized and just said it was not a big deal, everyone does it their own way and the reasons don’t really matter that much. Then she said that thing that makes me roll my eyes really hard, “You just don’t understand. I’m not articulating it right.”

Le sigh again!

Cat seems to think that if I just could see it the way she does, I’d agree. But I most often DO see her point and STILL disagree with her! Cat simply can’t grasp that another person with the same information could possibly reach a different conclusion! It’s another oddly strange blind spot in her perspective. She thinks if she phrases her thoughts more clearly people can’t help but agree. I’m super articulate and no one has an issue disagreeing with ME! Again, kind of annoying, but kind of amusing too.

Her pouting and refusing to say good night and just plodding off to bed was the last straw. I texted her good night and gave up. I had a small reaction which I couldn’t help (a small snicker) that Cat followed up on and it turned into a whole THING. Cat behaving like an entitled baby just gets to me sometimes, and a little of the resentment leaks out of me. I shouldn’t follow up on that emotion like I do (and, to my credit, I do it less and less often) but there are times when she bullshits and I have a very difficult time not calling her on it! Last night I did a little, and she didn’t like it!

She knows I’m right, or at least have a better argument, and she’s put out because she wants her way ANYWAY. Here’s the thing, she gets her way! Being reminded that getting her way doesn’t change how I feel about the original issue might bug her, but so the fuck what?

And… we’ll just end this post with yet another long sigh…