Tired of Reality

I’m so tired of dealing with reality.

The world news is awful enough, and I have seen it coming for a very, very long time. We are cushioned from the worst of it where we live, and this is by design of course. But once I catch the gist of things, I have turned away from doomscrolling more than maybe 15 minutes a day. I can’t take too much of it in at once. I know the basics, watch a half hour of news, scroll most days for a few minutes, and then– that’s it! I’m done.

But everyone in my life, including myself, is struggling financially. It’s been a rough, rough year for finances all the way around. I’m managing with my modest needs, comforts, and entertainments, but without Cat’s sponsoring my cheap rental area of the house, I’d be in trouble.

Which makes it very hard indeed to hear her whine and moan about it! I don’t need to hear the repeating “We’re doomed! I’m too tired to do anything and I can’t buy as many toys! Waaah!” For one thing, she’s not out of time or energy, she’s just not motivated. I get it– I have the same fucking issue! So I’ve backed off of her, but I just don’t want to keep hearing it!!

Fuck!

I usually post about my goals or thoughts for a new year around this time, but all I want to do is– not deal with it. I have to work on my book. I’ve come a long way emotionally and socially for several reasons. I’m stable for a while I think. So, I can move forward on some things and push forth with my life.

And I will, but I just. don’t. want. to. do. anything right now! I’m fucking around a lot with watching streaming shows and playing video games. I’m in all-out avoidance mode, and I’m liking it a LOT. I’m feeling better about things being so horrible, so that’s good– but I’m also feeling like until I have some help or outside energy, I’m justified in conserving it.

I know I need to exercise more. I miss walking and dancing. But I just want to hide in my room and not have to deal with the outside world. My little nest has become the center of my wee universe, and I’m not even complaining about it! I love my tiny area of the world that is MINE.

These above thoughts are what have been going through my head for months now! Shit isn’t bothering me, but I have very little new to say, which is why I haven’t been posting. Cat has backed off bothering me so much (and I, her) and Mike is extra quiet this time of the year. My cat is gone now, and so I just help with the other cats. I try to talk to other people when I can, but everyone has their own life that I’m not really a part of… so…

So I’m in holding mode.

I will try to move more and write more on my book, but that’s the only goals I have this year. Keep going. Stay stable. Write book. Dance & walk.

That’s it!