Men - Seek Helpmates, Not Soulmates

Men, marry a helpmate, not a soulmate. I have been married to one for 18 years. It works for me. If you can find a “soulmate,” I tip my hat to you.

To those who say helpmates are boring, I say “Hallelujah.” I don’t depend on my marriage for excitement.  However, my wife is not what feminists call “a doormat.” She has a masters degree and a career. She’s smart, honest and has a good sense of humor.

So, here’s my advice in ten points. 

5. What else can she do? In the “olden days,” men looked for women who could cook, clean, sew, milk the cow and look after babies. Sometimes they could play the piano.  Nowadays, many young women think they need to be good for one thing only, and that gets old fast.

6. Men were not intended to “love” women in the sense of adore them. That invariably leads to trouble. We adore what we want and we want sex. But that gives them too much power. Let’s look at women, minus sex appeal. Let’s demystify them.

Women are different from men. They tend to be more passive, emotional, subjective and concerned with down-to-earth practical considerations. On walks, my wife warns me about stepping in dog shit. I have my head in the clouds. She has her feet on the ground.

Women are primarily interested in security and perhaps are less scrupulous than men. They tend to be insecure and harbor feelings of worthlessness unless a man gives them purpose. These are fine qualities in a helpmate but not a soulmate.

Christopher writes:

I suffered horribly from «being a romantic» and chasing all the unattainable, yet seemingly perfect «Les Wilis» (spirits). One woman, to this day, regrets throwing out all my amazing, uber-romantic love poems (inspired by her); an action dictated by her confused state of mind, thanks to the bi-polar nature of over-the-top absurd romanticism directed towards newbie feminist hysteria.

Despite a plethora of perfectly good, kind-hearted, helpful, and attractive women; I seemed driven to chase down and capture «the goddess.» Unfortunately, the majority of such «goddess» creatures were racked with psychological issues and conditions, from anorexia to kleptomania, and far beyond – often creating even dangerous relations. It became obvious that society was targeting such people, through indirect as well as direct means.

Talk about giving up one’s innate power?!?

It wasn’t just a somewhat faulty family dynamic that inspired this – it is was plain old programming, like the kind you find on TV. The average dating period, at that time in my life, never went over six months. Sadly, few – if any of these love interests ever remained even friends.

On any and every level, it was all an absurd waste, based on pulling out the dysfunctional threads of problematic family life, followed by the enhanced narcissism and hedonism programmed into a young, open mind.

Even the clothes of the period (the 1970s and early 80s) tell the story. Young men were pushed towards decidedly feminized fashions, with blousy shirts, skirt-like, large bell-bottom pants, and platform shoes; while young women moved either from the demure towards sex vixen outfits (like super short hot pants), or took on masculinized (see: Annie Hall) garb. This was just before the «I hate you – come here-go away», blackened eyes, bitch-vixen look, of the late 80s and early 90s fashions for women. And the Wall Street shark/slime-ball look, in that same following period, for men.

Finally, after «growing up», as well as reassessing the true nature and meaning of manhood, I began to see that the «Babe-age Factor» is quite short-lived, and utility – in the end – actually DOES become the real romance. It took a long time, but, at long last, I can now appreciate and respect ALL aspects of true womanhood, including those that ARE attainable, like; loyalty, exclusivity, trust, honor, faith, patience, charm, and the simple pleasure of just «being» with an important member of that gender that is different from my own… Vive la difference!