Aaron Boone Manages On Wishes

The Yankees offense vanished like Boone’s logic as Tanner Gordon, a pitcher most Yankee fans had never heard of until last night, shut them down with six innings of two-run ball. The Rockies bullpen then slammed the door. You could almost hear the headline being written in real time: Yankees Baffled by a Team 20 Games Below .500.

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And yet, somehow, Aaron Boone still gets in front of a microphone and delivers his usual serving of word salad.

He rambled something about how “if” a ground ball got through from Austin Wells, maybe they could’ve turned the tide. You know, standard Boone postgame poetry. I mean, you know what a wish is right? It’s a hope or desire for something. But newsflash, Aaron: the ball didn’t get through. That’s how baseball works. Things that don’t happen don’t count. It’s like Boone manages by hoping for parallel universes.

God I can’t stand this manager. Remember when Boone tried to convince us that Austin Wells was a leadoff hitter? That experiment vanished faster than a Bronx summer breeze. Now he’s batting seventh because, well, he can’t hit. Wells is down to .201 and looks more like a bullpen catcher than a Major League bat. His burrito promotions seem a little fucked up now, huh? But hey, he’s Boone’s boy toy, so he keeps trotting out there like it’s still March.

Anthony Volpe? Another member of Boone’s boy toy brigade. Sure, the kid’s got wheels, but if you can’t get on base, you’re just fast in the dugout. 

Volpe is batting sixth—probably because Boone still wants to believe he’s a spark plug. Spoiler alert: sparks don’t fly when your OBP is a punchline. These two combined for a whole lot of nothing last night, and yet Boone acts like Wells and Volpe are untouchable. It’s like he’s managing a Little League team where everyone gets a turn—except this is the New York Yankees.

Let’s be real: losing to the Rockies shouldn’t cause mass panic. Upsets happen. But what’s infuriating is Boone’s constant excuse-making, his obsession with his underperforming favorites, and his total inability to make strategic adjustments. Wells and Volpe aren’t producing. Sitting them for a game wouldn’t just send a message—it might actually help win one.

Instead, we get excuses. Ifs. Maybes. Should-haves. Boone’s idea of “strategy” is hoping the baseball gods rewrite the play-by-play after the final out.

The Yankees don’t need miracles at Coors. They need common sense—and a manager who can actually manage. Boone keeps fumbling the basics while the team sputters behind his bizarre loyalty to wasted at-bats.

So what happens in Game 2 against the Rockies? Hopefully, a win. But here’s a radical thought, Yankees: give Volpe and Wells the night off. They gave you nothing Friday. Maybe the team would be better served if Boone stopped trying to validate his pet projects and started managing like the job actually matters.

And someone, please, take the mic away from him after the game.