Secret Service Agent: Never Label Someone a Narcissist! This Habit Makes People Hate Talking to You! (Video)
In this 1 December 2025 published video, host Steven Bartlett talks with Ex-Secret Service interrogator Desmond O’Neill reveals the 4-step formula for difficult conversations, how to decode narcissism, the secret to communication and real connection – AND debunks the biggest myths about interrogation!
Desmond O’Neill is a former special agent for the US Secret Service with over 30 years of experience in negotiation and interrogation. He has worked for the High-Value Detainee Interrogation Group (HIG) training and conducting research on interrogation, and is a co-instructor for the online platform ‘Beyond Bulletproof’, covering influence, communication, and confidence.
He explains:
- Why you should never label someone a narcissist
- The No.1 habit silently ruining your communication
- Why “me me me” syndrome is sabotaging your relationships
- How gaslighting really works, and how to shut it down fast
- Why your brain lies to you when emotions take over
https://youtu.be/xDQyLnNAXr4
00:00 Intro
04:35 What Are Your Experiences?
06:10 Experience With Violent Interrogation
08:20 How Do I Have a Difficult Conversation?
09:45 How to Spot When Someone Is Gaslighting You
11:05 PLAN Framework
14:44 The Hardest Conversations You’ve Had to Navigate
19:26 If They Do This, They’re Lying
21:38 Be a Better Listener
23:55 Controlling Comes From Listening, Not Talking
24:19 Asking Questions
28:25 Obvious Body Language to Look Out For
31:14 Finding Resolution With People
33:24 What if They Start Insulting You
35:18 How to Keep Your Emotions in Check
36:53 How to Stay in Control
39:58 Me Me Me Syndrome
42:52 Ads
43:55 How to Get Someone to Open Up
46:17 The Difference Between Manipulation and Influence
48:35 Influencing People
51:14 How to Build Trust
54:50 How Do You Get Trust Back?
55:14 How to Be a Great Leader
56:22 Making Decisions
1:00:48 Own Your Decisions
1:06:19 Ads
1:07:25 Building Rapport
1:11:34 Main Takeaways
1:13:20 Don’t Tell People You Understand
1:17:00 What Decision Do You Most Regret?
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