Why We Fall for the Wrong People - Jessica Baum (Video)
In this 15 November 2025 published Modern Wisdom video, host Chris Williamson talks with Jessica Baum, a psychotherapist, relationship expert, and author.
What does it actually take to feel safe in a relationship? If you’ve had chaotic partners or a past where you never knew where you stood, safety can feel like work instead of something natural. So how do you rebuild that sense of security, and what steps help you learn to feel safe with someone again?
Expect to learn what the best definition of safety in a relationship is, what some of the signs for someone feeling unsafe in a relationship from their nervous system are, the common protection strategies and inner protectors people develop, why we confuse independence with strength, why romantic relationships reflect early attachment wounds, why anxious and avoidant people find each other so magnetic, how to retrain the body to feel safe after chaos and more.
https://youtu.be/l-FeIdQJgM0
0:00 How Can We Create a Sense of Safety?
5:48 Are Independent Women Becoming Disconnected with Their Bodies?
14:21 The Power of Slowing Down: Why Our Nervous Systems Needs It
20:13 Why We Confuse Familiarity with Safety, Even When It Hurts Us
37:42 Why Feeling Safe Feels So Vulnerable
42:06 Anchoring, Co-Regulation and Reaching the Ventral State
48:06 Healing the Wounds You Inherited
54:57 Practical Tools For Building Safety in Your Relationship
59:37 Why Rupture and Repair is the Foundation of a Healthy Relationship
01:05:18 Should You Stay, or Should You Leave?
01:11:31 Where to Find Jessica
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