TRUMP SEIZES CONTROL OF THE FEDS
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Dear citizen, You have been protected from criminal illegals. We are with the government, and we are here to help you. We may establish checkpoints where you will be asked to show proof of citizenship. This is for your protection. Please rapidly obey all commands from the well trained agents. Your friendly government agents have been awarded certificates of completion after finishing their four weeks of training. Your life is in good hands. Failure to quickly obey could result in harsh consequences as you are protected. The government agents are encouraged to rapidly crush any questions that you may have about their methods of protecting you. You may receive a bullet to the face as you are protected. This is your own fault. Why did you cause that? As a U.S. citizen, your body will be treated semi-respectfully as we adjust the crime scene. Thank you. Your family will be notified.