When Schools Go Secret: How Oakland Unified and Teachers Unions Are Undermining Parental Rights

Right before the school shutdowns of 2020, a teacher in my former school district in Salinas, California, made a simple, routine call home to a parent. But what happened next was anything but routine. The teacher used the new name and gender identity the student had adopted at school, but the parent on the other end of the line did not recognize who the teacher was talking about. Why? Because their daughter had socially “transitioned” to a boy at school without their knowledge. Understandably, the parents were confused, and then shocked, and the incident caused quite a stir.

Hiding from Parents

Instead of questioning whether it was ethical, or even legal, to hide such a significant change from parents, the district responded by doubling down. The district created a new policy. Teachers were told not to use a student’s new name or pronouns with parents unless the student “felt supported” at home. In other words, teachers were coached to essentially lie to the parents by keeping their transition a secret. So, a child’s opinion about whether their parents are “supportive” of radical gender change is now being used as the metric for cutting moms and dads out of life-altering decisions.

I shared my thoughts about this experience in my district in a video that went viral just four years ago. There were many comments of shock and disbelief, and some even accused me of making up this sad story for attention. If I shared that same video now, no one would be surprised. Pretty scary how quickly times are changing.

These gender-hiding policies are now happening not just in Salinas but across California and the nation. Case in point, the Oakland Unified School District has implemented a formalized gender support plan that encourages staff to actively hide gender transitions from families unless students choose to involve their parents.

Let me say that again: A government-run school system is instructing its employees to keep parents in the dark about their child’s gender identity changes, unless the child gives permission.

The form, which I reviewed in full, includes language like this:

If the student does not have parent/guardian support, this plan should only be used as a guide and should not be placed in the student’s file to maintain privacy. [emphasis added]

It also instructs school staff to ask the student:

Who do you want to be out to or to know your gender identity?
Who do you not feel safe being out to at this time?

There is a section about “calling home” that reads:

Ask student: What name/pronouns should we use when we call home? [emphasis in original]

And to top it all off, there is even a quick reference slip for “supportive staff” that reminds them:

When calling home, please use the name ______________ and the pronouns ______________.

Again, teachers are being instructed to lie to parents. But here is the real kicker: If a student were actually unsafe at home or if there were a legitimate concern of abuse, teachers and school staff are mandated reporters and must report that abuse to authorities, by law. But that is not what is happening here. Instead, schools bypass parents based on a feeling, not a finding. There is no CPS report. No legal process. Just a student saying they do not “feel supported,” and a school deciding that parental rights no longer matter.

Union Support

The American Federation of Teachers (AFT), led by Randi Weingarten, has publicly backed affirmation without parental notification in schools. Their 2022 position paper, “Supporting LGBTQ+ Youth in Schools,” makes it clear that they believe students should control if, when, and how their identity is disclosed to parents.

Likewise, the National Education Association (NEA) has taken the same stance. In their document titled Schools in Transition: A Guide for Supporting Transgender Students in K-12 Schools, they recommend that staff honor a student’s gender identity at school even if the family is not informed or supportive. Indeed, the NEA supports hiding these changes specifically to avoid conflict with families.

This shocking revelation should give us reason to pause and consider where we are as a nation. Two of the most powerful unions in America, which are largely responsible for dictating what happens in your child’s classroom, are pushing for policies that deliberately exclude parents from deeply personal and consequential health decisions for their children.

Some may argue that this is about protecting vulnerable students. But again, there are already legal protections in place for students who are truly in danger. That’s not what is happening here. This is not about abuse prevention. This is about ideology.

The Backlash

And it is already leading to legal backlash.

In California, a mother named Jessica Konen won a $100,000 settlement from the Spreckels Union School District (next door to my former district) after it was revealed that school staff socially transitioned her 5th-grade daughter without notifying her. Her daughter was encouraged to use a new name and pronouns at school, join an LGBTQ club, and hide it all from her mother. The lawsuit made national headlines, and rightfully so.

This is not compassion. This is not safety. This is government overreach.

Parental Rights

There was a time in the country when it was self-evident to everyone that parents have a fundamental right to direct their children’s upbringing, education, and care. That includes being involved in significant psychological or social changes, especially ones that may lead to extreme medical intervention like high doses of hormones and surgical interventions removing healthy organs from the body. Schools should never assume they know best or are better equipped to support a child than the child’s own family.

And let me be clear: This is not just about gender identity. It is about the larger erosion of parental rights. If schools can hide a gender transition, what else can they keep from you? It is already California law that a teen as young as 14 can get an abortion without the parents’ consent, and school counselors can facilitate it. Not allowed to give ibuprofen without parental consent, but an abortion? Totally OK.

The fight for parental rights is heating up across the country. Fortunately, from lawsuits to legislation, parents are pushing back. And they should, or who knows what kind of dystopian future we are heading to.