From Little Tiffs to Full-On Conflict: Here's Why Families Are Fighting More Than Ever

Do you find yourself arguing more with your spouse, siblings, or parents nowadays? You’re not alone as family fights appear to be more common these days. According to a study that involves thousands of families, researchers found that parents spend about 49 minutes a day fighting with their kids. Meanwhile, 30 percent of couples argue once a week, while 11 percent say that they have multiple disagreements per week. 

With families spending more time together, it’s only natural that rifts will happen. Family fights are inevitable, so it’s important to take steps to repair and strengthen your family bonds after arguing, and prevent small conflicts from escalating. But what causes these tiffs in the first place? Here are the reasons why families are fighting more these days, and what people can do to bring back peace and harmony into their home. 

Political Differences

The upcoming election has nearly everyone engaging in online and face-to-face arguments, and families are no exception. According to a study, having political differences is one of the leading causes of family fights these days. The research, which involved 40 experts in fields ranging from psychology to family law, reveals that about 63 percent believe that politics has become more divisive in recent times. 

Politics can spur heated debates, but whether you’re a conservative or a liberal, it’s important not to drop family members just because they have different views from you. Some people may advise you not to bring up political topics at all, but experts believe that discussing your political beliefs in a positive way can lead to constructive conversations and prevent arguments in the long run. According to University of California Professor Tania Israel, who is the author of ‘Beyond Your Bubble: How to Connect Across the Political Divide, Skills and Strategies for Conversations That Work,’ people should engage in more political conversation, but it should be healthy, non-confrontational, and productive. She also says that people should talk about politics in person instead of hashing it out on social media. 

When talking about politics with your loved ones, it’s important to keep an open mind and remember that the person you’re speaking to have valid reasons for their beliefs. Listen to what they’re saying and don’t speak in an argumentative tone to prevent things from escalating. Also, don’t involve very young children in political discussions since they’re very impressionable. If things start to get heated, end the conversation in a polite manner, saying something like, “I hear you, I’d like to think about what you said and maybe we can talk about this again next time.”

Money Matters

Unsurprisingly, financial-related issues are one of the main causes of fights between spouses, as well as between parents and their children. Apart from arguing about allowance, a survey has found that money-related fights between parents and kids are caused by children using credit cards without permission, and parents not buying something that their child wanted. Meanwhile, couples get into arguments because of different spending habits, debt, poor budgeting, impulsive spending, and gambling, among others. 

To avoid conflicts, parents should talk about finances with their children as early as possible so they can develop good financial habits. Kids should be taught how to stick to a budget and how to save while they’re still young. Once they’re a little older, you can instill non-materialism by giving them thoughtful gifts over expensive presents, letting them have fun experiences instead of buying them things, and modelling non-materialistic behavior. 

Meanwhile, couples can prevent money arguments by having equal roles on financial matters. If only one person has a source of income, agree on how much to spend on certain expenses and how much to save. Double income families should decide on who covers which expenses. For instance, one person could handle the rent and car payments, while the other pays the utilities and groceries. Discuss what works for your family, and once a month, talk to each other about your savings and upcoming big expenses so that everyone is on the same page regarding these matters. 

Household Chores

Another topic that causes lots of arguments in the family is household chores. A poll reveals that 48 percent of couples fight about who should do certain chores, while 50 percent bicker about how to do them. Moreover, kids and parents also get into tiffs about chores as the former sometimes refuse to do them, while the latter are left with no choice but to nag about them. Arguing over housework may seem trivial to some people, but these little fights can build up and cause resentment, stress, and anxiety over time.

As with most things, talking things over in a calm manner can help to smooth out problems and prevent conflict. Have a family meeting and create a chore chart so that everyone knows which chore they’re supposed to do on a given day. If your child or partner is doing a certain chore for the first time, it may be beneficial to teach them how to do it step by step. This will prevent mistakes and arguments about things like laundry mishaps or cooking blunders.

Try not to criticize your loved ones if they don’t do certain housework the way you usually do them. Instead, thank them for their efforts, but gently suggest how they can do certain things next time. To make doing household chores less of a burden, go on a family outing once everyone has accomplished their respective tasks during the weekdays. For example, you can go and have a picnic at the park on the weekend, or watch a movie together. 

Having arguments with your loved ones is perfectly normal. After all, we can’t expect things to be smooth sailing at all times. But don’t let your tiffs get the best of you and affect your bond as a family. Talk things over and agree to compromise, and always stay calm so that discussions don’t turn into fights. Always remember that you’re all on the same team, despite having differences and the occasional squabbles.