The fetish

Thomas and Elaine live in suburban Toronto in a $1.9 million house that used to be worth $2,5 million – two years ago. “Even more before that,” Tom says, with a bemused, pained chuckle. “If this keeps up that retirement may be a few more years out.”

The property represents the bulk of their net worth. She has a small DB pension (school board). He has none (chemical engineer). There’s some money in a group RPP and they both have modest TFSAs. But the real retirement dough is in the house, which they’ve been planning to sell when they both hit 65 (in two years).

Then the plan is to collect the public pension money, invest their house proceeds for income, rent and travel.

“It might still work,” Tom tells me, “even if this real estate drought continues a while longer. But that’s not the immediate problem.”

That problem has a name. Brynne.

She’s 31, works from home for an online car insurance outfit, has had the same BF for seven years and is immensely comfortable where she is. “After all,” her father points out, “this is like a fine hotel where she has daily maid service, free catering, laundry services and a dog for emotional support. Besides, she says she can’t afford a house, so where would she go?”

I asked it they’d had The Talk yet with their daughter.

“No. We were hoping to avoid it. Guess we’ll wait.”

When Tom and Elaine are asked what they were doing at age 31, it’s the typical Boomer response. Just married. Both commuting to work. Renting a duplex unit. Saving to buy a house – which would happen the year before Brynne was born.

“I remember we couldn’t wait to fly the coop,” says Tom. “You know, get out of the parents’ orbit, get into the world, be independent, see what we could do. Getting a house later was cool, but it was never the goal. I don’t quite understand where my kid’s head is at. But she’s my daughter and I guess things are different now. What can we do?”

So this couple will probably put their travel dreams on hold – after three decades of working – because of some late-Millennial angst.

As mentioned here, the average first-time buyer in Toronto and across America is now 40 years old. In Vancouver, a year younger. The average was 36 in 2000 and 28 in 1980.

This correlates, sort of, with the way people are (or aren’t) having babies. In 1970 the average new mom was 23. Now she’s 32. And it’s interesting that these days the oldest new mothers are in Toronto and Vancouver – where real estate costs the most. The youngest are in Saskatchewan, where houses are a relative steal.

Real estate has come to shape our society in fundamental ways – delaying adulthood, creating later and smaller families, enmeshing households in decades of debt, and delaying or even eliminating years of retirement from work. It’s no coincidence our national birth rate has plunged, falling far below the natural replacement level, as real estate became more of a social goal and consequently less affordable.

Despite that, we remain obsessed.

This week RBC’s annual homeownership survey was published. Among the usual results for the young (63% want to buy, 71% equate real estate with financial independence) was a measure of just how deep the fetish runs.

The bank asked what level of sacrifice the kiddos were willing to make to get some property. The results:

• Those who would ‘do anything’ to buy a home: 58%
• Those who expect to live with their parents longer in order to buy: 46%
• Those who plan to delay having children to get a house: 42%
• Those planning to get a second job or side hustle to afford real estate: 64%

Meanwhile the reality of home ownership has turned into something unexpected by this gen. Real estate values have been dropping now for three years – CREA’s news this week is of another 5% price plop across the country. Almost 60% of current owners are stressed about looming mortgage renewals at post-Covid rates. Sales levels have plunged, making real estate virtually illiquid in many places. Insurance premiums, property taxes, strata fees and other ownership costs have swollen badly since the pandemic. The promise of tax-free capital gains is hollow.

Now financial anxiety, worries about Trump, the war in Iran, the job threat posed by AI and the potential of recession and increased unemployment have frozen potential buyers – as they age in their parents’ basements.

“What’s changed,” says RBC, “is that many buyers’ mindsets have shifted from the fear of missing out to concern about making the right move at the right time.”

And, of course, in today’s world to rent is to be shamed.

“I know we need to have that conversation with her,” Tom says, “but I regret that day already.”

About the picture: “Meet Wilbur the Cat-O,” writes Juve. “He’s the anti-TACO: low on the Blah Blah and high on delivery. Ask any mouse. Thanks for your daily wit!”

To be in touch or send a picture of your beast, email to ‘garth@garth.ca’.

Source: https://www.greaterfool.ca/2026/03/17/the-fetish/