Estate agents: getting "creative" again ...

… but this time with a pair of expensive new-builds and the CGI set to “turbo-bollocks”.

Our previous two gems of the estate agent’s art featured creative euphemisms for “surrounded by dense woodland and distinctly short on basic amenities” in the vicinity of Schloss Drew.  This, also in Croydon, is different:  we’re moving to the brave newbuild world of 7-bedroom, 6-bathroom, 4,000 sq ft Executive Housing, smack on the A232 – a very busy main road that boasts five bus routes passing the front door sorry, good transportation links.  Only smart CGI is good enough for these.

“… proudly occupying an enviable raised position“

Looking nice, eh?  As well they might be, this “grand opus of luxury living … pinnacle of sophistication” is asking £1.7 million** for each.  But look carefully: any sign of a garage or two for these upscale dwellings on a main road?  Errr, that would be ‘No’: all you get is “Parking space – driveway” – and for the left-hand one, a very modest driveway it is, too, down the side: enough for just a single car by the looks of it, maybe two – in tandem – at a pinch.  And a fine feat of reversing will be required for the one on the right, because the only road access is via the ramp on the left, and thence on up across the front of both houses.  And this is for 7-bedroom houses, FFS.

Now: consider the access driveway ramp to that “enviable raised position“.  Nice broad gentle slope, fairly scenic?  A gentle rise of 8 steps, past grass and bushes, for pedestrian access to the front door?  Enough of the CGI, here’s a photo of the thing taken today.  That front retaining wall is an absolute necessity for the looming mound behind, especially over on the right where the number of steps is 12, not 8 (11 steps on the left).  If anything that ramp off the main road is even steeper than it looks here: “pinnacle” indeed. 

Errr, yeah, in summer when the leaves are out, if you confine your gaze to the street-side plane-tree top-cover.  Otherwise, it’s a procession of bright red double-decker buses.

The only saving grace, I suppose, is that folks always do their DD for a house purchase in person.  Don’t they ..?

ND

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** by way of calibration to local prices, £1.4m will buy you this, on the genuinely prestigious estate on the hilltop directly behind the above new-builds, but comfortably off the main road.  

1930′s: a bit dated but very solid build, these properties buff up beautifully for a couple of hundred grand: splendid garden: all on the level: backing on to a fine park: immaculate – check it out.  And, errr, no shortage of parking!

Photo credits:  the last pic is ShineRocks estate agents.  If the copyright holder of the CGI confection above would like to be credited, just drop me a note in the comments and we’ll be happy to name you.

Source: http://www.cityunslicker.co.uk/2025/04/estate-agents-getting-creative-again.html