8 things a manipulator will do when they realize they’ve lost the upper hand

From the Personal Branding Blog

There’s a clear line between assertiveness and manipulation.

Manipulation is a covert way to get what you want, often at the expense of others. Assertiveness, however, is about being clear about your needs while respecting those of others.

Now, when manipulators feel they’re losing control, they have a few tricks up their sleeves to regain the upper hand.

In this article, I’m going to reveal the 8 things a manipulator will do when they sense they’re losing their grip. This knowledge will help you stay one step ahead, and prevent them from gaining an unfair advantage.

Let’s dive in.

1) Playing the victim card

One classic move manipulators pull when they sense their control slipping is to play the victim.

Suddenly, they’re not the instigators anymore – they’re the aggrieved party. They’ll twist the narrative to paint themselves as the ones being wronged, not the ones doing the wronging.

This tactic is designed to throw you off balance. It’s a not-so-subtle attempt to make you feel guilty for supposedly causing them distress.

But don’t be fooled. This is a classic manipulation tactic, aimed at making you second-guess your own actions and perceptions.

If someone consistently makes you feel guilty in a situation where you’re sure you’ve done nothing wrong, it could be a sure sign that they’re trying to manipulate you.

Stay firm, trust your judgement, and don’t let a manipulator’s victim act sway you from your course.

2) Suddenly becoming overly nice

Funny thing, manipulators. When they sense their control waning, they sometimes shift gears entirely and become exceptionally kind.

I remember a time when a colleague, who was known for his manipulative tactics, started losing his influence over our team. He’d been trying to sway us towards his way of thinking for a project, but we were starting to see through his games.

And then, out of the blue, he turned into the nicest guy you could imagine. He was suddenly full of compliments, offering to help with tasks, and even bringing in treats for the team.

But it didn’t take long for us to realize that this was just another one of his tactics. It was his way of trying to regain the upper hand by making us feel indebted to him, hoping we’d be more likely to agree with his ideas out of gratitude.

Knowing what he was up to allowed us to appreciate the cookies without falling for the manipulation. Even when manipulators try to sweeten the deal, it’s essential to remain vigilant and stick to your principles.

3) Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a common tactic used by manipulators when they feel they’re losing control. It’s a psychological method where they make you question your reality, your memories, and even your sanity.

The term ‘gaslighting’ originated from a 1938 play called “Gas Light,” later adapted into a movie, wherein a husband systematically manipulates his wife into believing she’s going insane. He does this by subtly changing elements of her environment and then denying those changes ever occurred.

When manipulators gaslight, they deny their actions, twist your words, and make you doubt your perceptions. Their goal is to sow seeds of self-doubt so that you’re more likely to defer to their version of reality. It’s a sinister strategy aimed at destabilizing your confidence and making you reliant on the manipulator for what’s ‘real’ and ‘true.’

Being aware of this tactic can help you counteract it. Trust in your memory and instincts – if something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.

4) Laying on the guilt

Another tool in the manipulator’s toolkit is guilt. When they sense they’re losing their grip, they might resort to making you feel guilty to regain control.

It could be pointing out how much they’ve done for you in the past, or how much you owe them. Or it could be guilt-tripping you about something completely unrelated, just to throw you off balance.

The aim is to make you feel bad, and then offer a solution that conveniently aligns with their desires. It’s a manipulative tactic designed to get you back under their control by leveraging your feelings of guilt.

The important thing to remember here is not to let this guilt sway your decisions. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t – no matter how much guilt is thrown your way. Stand firm and trust your own judgement.

5) Offering false apologies

When a manipulator realizes they’re losing the upper hand, they may resort to what seems like an act of contrition. They’ll apologize, but it’s not a sincere acknowledgment of wrongdoing.

Their apologies often come with a ‘but,’ shifting the blame back to you or minimizing their actions. It might sound something like, “I’m sorry, but you made me react that way.”

This false apology is nothing but a smokescreen. It’s meant to project an image of remorse, to make you believe they’ve seen the error of their ways when in reality, they’re just trying to regain control.

When it comes to manipulators, it’s crucial to watch their actions, not their words. An apology means nothing if their behavior remains unchanged. A heartfelt change demonstrates true remorse. Anything less is just manipulation in disguise.

6) Using emotional blackmail

Emotional blackmail is a potent tool in a manipulator’s arsenal. When they feel they’re losing their grip, they might resort to this tactic to regain control.

This happened to me once when a close friend started using our shared history and intimate knowledge of my fears and insecurities against me. They would subtly hint at revealing my secrets or play on my insecurities to gain leverage.

It was a painful experience. I felt trapped, as if I owed them for keeping my secrets. It took me a while to realize that this was emotional blackmail, an attempt to manipulate me into acting according to their wishes.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, remember that your secrets and vulnerabilities are not weapons for others to use against you. Emotional blackmail is never okay, and it’s essential to stand your ground and protect your emotional wellbeing.

7) Creating a sense of urgency

When manipulators feel their power slipping away, they might try to create a false sense of urgency. This is a ploy designed to rush you into making decisions without taking the time to think things through.

They might pressure you with time limits or stress the negative consequences of not acting quickly. The goal is to make you act impulsively, driven by anxiety and fear, rather than rational thought.

But remember, most decisions can afford a little time for consideration. Don’t allow a manipulator’s false urgency to rush you. Take your time, consider your options, and make informed decisions. It’s your right to do so.

8) Resorting to intimidation or threats

When all else fails, a manipulator may resort to intimidation or even threats. This is the last ditch effort to regain control, and it shows their true colors.

Intimidation can take many forms – it could be a threat to reveal embarrassing information, a warning of potential harm, or any other tactic that uses fear to elicit compliance.

Remember, no one has the right to intimidate or threaten you into doing something you’re uncomfortable with. Stand your ground, seek support if needed, and never allow fear to dictate your actions.

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