10 things a manipulator will do when you finally stick up for yourself

From the Personal Branding Blog

There’s a world of difference between someone who influences you and someone who manipulates you.

A manipulator works to control you, often underhandedly, to get what they want. When you finally decide to take a stand and assert yourself, their reactions can be telling.

Standing up for yourself can lead to a variety of responses from the manipulator. Let’s explore 10 things a manipulator might do when you finally stick up for yourself.

This is a topic we need to talk about because understanding these reactions can help protect you from further manipulation.

So let’s dive in.

1) They’ll play the victim card

The very first thing a manipulator will likely do when you stand up for yourself is to play the victim card.

Manipulators are masters at turning the tables. When you assert your rights, they often switch gears and paint themselves as the victim. This is not a mere coincidence; it’s a well-thought-out strategy designed to make you doubt your own actions and decisions.

They’ll craft a narrative where they are the wronged party, subtly implying that you’re the one causing harm. This is a classic manipulative move, meant to make you question your stance and pull at your empathy strings.

Standing up for yourself is not an act of aggression; it’s an act of self-preservation. Don’t let their victim-playing tactics sway you from your path.

2) They’ll resort to guilt-tripping

Another common tactic manipulators use when you start to assert yourself is guilt-tripping.

I remember a time when I finally stood up to a manipulative colleague who would always pass off his work onto me. As soon as I put my foot down and stopped accepting his tasks, he started making me feel guilty.

He’d say things like, “I thought we were friends,” or “I guess I can’t rely on you like I used to.” It was a clear attempt to make me feel guilty for refusing to do his work.

Guilt-tripping is a powerful tool in a manipulator’s arsenal. It can make you question your decision and potentially bend to their will again. The key is to recognize it for what it is – a manipulation tactic – and stand your ground.

3) They’ll test your boundaries

Manipulators have a knack for identifying and exploiting the boundaries of others. When you decide to stand up for yourself, they might start to test those boundaries to see how firm you are in your new stance.

The psychological term for this is ‘extinction burst’. It’s a phenomenon where someone intensifies their behavior when they realize it’s no longer working. Much like a child throwing a tantrum in a supermarket when they’re not given the candy they want.

You may find that the manipulator in your life starts to push harder or become even more demanding initially. It’s their way of seeing if you’ll break under pressure and revert back to old habits. Hold strong and stay consistent with your new boundaries. Ultimately, their attempts will prove futile if you remain steadfast.

4) They’ll give you the silent treatment

When a manipulator senses they’re losing their grip on you, they might resort to the silent treatment. This is another form of manipulation aimed at making you feel uncomfortable, guilty, or even desperate for their attention.

The silent treatment can range from outright ignoring your presence to withholding affection or communication. This is designed to make you feel anxious and push you to seek their approval or attention again.

While it can be disconcerting, remember that it’s just another tactic. Don’t let this form of emotional manipulation draw you back into their control. Instead, use this time to establish a stronger sense of self and independence.

5) They’ll make false promises

When a manipulator sees you standing up for yourself, they might try to win you back with false promises. They may promise to change their ways or behave better in the future, all in an attempt to regain control.

These promises often sound sincere and can be very tempting. After all, it’s natural to want to believe that people can change. But remember, a manipulator’s primary goal is to maintain control, not to better themselves.

While it’s possible for people to change, it requires genuine self-awareness and effort. If the person has a history of manipulative behavior, it’s wise to take these promises with a grain of salt. Trust actions, not words.

6) They’ll try to make you feel small

Standing up for yourself can be an empowering experience. But when you’re dealing with a manipulator, they might try to shrink that feeling of empowerment by belittling you.

They could dismiss your feelings, ridicule your decisions, or undermine your self-confidence. This is a desperate attempt to make you feel small and insignificant, so they can regain the upper hand.

Remember, their words and actions reflect their character, not yours. No one has the right to belittle you or make you feel less than.

Everyone deserves respect and kindness, and you standing up for yourself is a testament to your strength and courage. Don’t let their negativity cloud your self-worth.

7) They’ll bring up your past mistakes

When I first started standing up for myself, I noticed a distinct pattern. The manipulator in my life began bringing up my past mistakes, no matter how irrelevant they were to the current situation.

It’s as if they had a mental list of all my missteps, ready to use at a moment’s notice. This is a common tactic manipulators use to deflect attention from their own actions and put you on the defensive.

They want you to feel guilty, to second-guess yourself. But remember, everyone makes mistakes and it’s part of being human.

Your past does not define your worth, and it certainly doesn’t invalidate your right to assert yourself. Stand firm in your self-respect and don’t allow your past to be used against you.

8) They might suddenly become very nice

When you finally stick up for yourself, you might experience something quite unexpected. The manipulator may suddenly become very nice and accommodating.

This abrupt shift in behavior can be confusing and may even make you question your decision to assert yourself. But this is often a strategic move, designed to make you lower your guard and forget their past manipulative actions.

While it’s nice to see them behaving positively, don’t let this lull you into a false sense of security. It’s important to stay vigilant and remember that true change takes time and consistent action.

9) They’ll make themselves indispensable

One tactic manipulators often use when you stand up for yourself is to make themselves appear indispensable. They might take on some of your responsibilities, offer help when you least expect it, or present themselves as the only one who truly understands you.

The aim is to create a dependency where you feel you can’t function fully without them. This is a ploy to regain control and make it harder for you to maintain your stance.

It’s important to remember that while their help might seem beneficial, it’s often part of their manipulation game. Stay aware of this tactic and maintain your independence. You’re more capable than they’d like you to believe.

10) They’ll question your sanity

When all else fails, a manipulator may resort to questioning your sanity when you stand up for yourself. They’ll suggest that you’re being irrational, overly sensitive, or even paranoid. This tactic, known as gaslighting, is designed to make you question your perception of reality.

This is a severe form of psychological manipulation and can be very damaging if not recognized. Always trust your instincts and remember: standing up for yourself is not an act of madness, it’s an act of self-respect.

You have every right to protect your mental and emotional well-being from manipulation.

Final reflection: It’s about self-empowerment

Understanding the tactics employed by manipulators is crucial in safeguarding against emotional and psychological harm.

When you stand up for yourself, you’re likely to encounter various reactions from the manipulator. Recognizing these reactions as manipulation tactics can help reinforce your resolve and maintain your self-respect.

The journey towards self-empowerment can be challenging, especially when dealing with manipulators. But remember, as Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Standing up for yourself is not just about confronting others; it’s also about affirming your worth and setting healthy boundaries. You have every right to protect your mental and emotional well-being.

As you navigate this journey, always remember – you are more resilient and powerful than any manipulator would want you to believe.

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