Negativity, Take a Hike

Today is a Hot Button post because of some comments I received in an email.

I want everyone—all of you out there—to stop treating yourselves so badly. Stop disrespecting yourself.

How do you do that? You stop being so darn negative.

Why do normal sane people—especially women—constantly find fault with themselves?

How many negative thoughts about yourself do you experience in a 24 hour period?

Do you even realize how much you criticize yourself? Your body, your dreams, your goals, your desires, your achievements—in fact, just about everything about you?

You’ve heard the expression, “You are your own worst enemy.” For too many people, that is true.

Do you find yourself engaged in mental arguments with yourself? Mental debates list these:

• I want so badly to get a job I love. You don’t have a chance in hell of getting another job in this economy.
• I want to lose 20 pounds and so the cute guy in accounting will notice me. You’ve never succeeded before at dieting.
• I want to write a book. You don’t have a degree in English or Fine Arts or any of those things.
• I want to be a success at something. No one in your family ever succeeded at anything so how can you?
• I want to make a living writing books. Hardly anyone manages to do that so you probably won’t either.

Burning Energy

Are you tired all the time? If so, consider how much energy is used by the brain as it engages in a constant mental debate revolving around what you see in the mirror, what you feel when you think about yourself, what you want to do, etc.

What’s even worse than that mental debate is that most of us don’t even recognize we’re doing it. Plus, we don’t recognize that the battle is always optimism versus pessimism.

If you don’t recognize the ongoing battle within you, how can you hope to change the situation? And change it you must because negativity will make it impossible for you to achieve your dreams and/or find joy in life.

Learn to recognize the immediate negative response when you think about something you want to achieve. Once you recognize the pattern, you can change it.

New Resolution = New Attitude

Change your thinking, and you’ll change your attitude. Stop saying things I’ve heard far too many women say.

I’m so fat. No man would ever want me.

I’m old so I can’t learn these new technology things.

I never went to college so no one wants to hear what I have to say.

The list of negative statements is endless, and everyone has a list. Would you say any of those things to someone else? Probably not. So why say them to yourself?

When you were a child, you may have been told the same thing I heard. If you can’t say anything good about someone else, that say nothing at all. Adopt that attitude about others.

Then apply it to yourself and your self-talk. Especially your self talk! Recognize when thoughts that limit you are floating around in your brain. Stop saying all those nasty things to yourself.

Some people trash talk themselves so much you’d think they were getting paid to do it. Start saying good things about yourself. You’re not a loser because you didn’t get that promotion or paint the dining room before Easter or write 100 pages last week.

Gain Some Perspective

Get some perspective on your life and on the events that shaped you into person you may be.

Bad things that happened can make you stronger if you take away the right lesson from the experience.

The right lesson is the one that helps you grow emotionally and gives you the wisdom to deal with even more difficult situations in the future.

Never allow the past to keep you from finding joy in the present.

Takeaway Truth

The past is over and can never be relived. The only thing you can get from the past is wisdom and resolve to go forward and make a better life for yourself.

Joan Reeves—Keeping Romance Alive…One Sexy Book at a Time—is a New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of Contemporary Romance. All of her stories have the same underlying premise: It’s never too late to live happily ever after.

Be the first to know about New Books and Giveaways. Sign up for Joan’s Mailing List/Newsletter.