Moonbat Demands We Ban Lawnmowers

One by one, each gift we have bestowed upon ourselves via civilization will be taken away by authoritarian fools amid a fog of self-righteous posturing. This is what progressives call “progress.” Now they want to ban lawnmowers.

A fellow from Zimbabwe wrote this for The Stranger, presumably while wearing his noisily multicultural dashiki, so it carries tremendous moral weight:

A real city will ban lawn mowers. They are not only a waste of time and resources, but they represent so much that’s so awful about the middle-class frame of mind, which is directed at every point by a notion of respectability that has no other function than its signification to others who are of the same class. One does not love a mowed lawn for itself; one instead loves to see others can see that they have done as others of the same class are expected do: cut the lawn. And this sorry game of appearances, of course, has its roots, like so much of the US’s tiresome middle-class culture, in the habits of England’s pre-industrial elites.

Moonbats literally want America to go to seed. The motive is sheer hatred for anything respectable. This hatred often takes on a class warfare cast. Particularly hated by progressives is the middle class:

The main theme to the middle class’s story has been an absence of a spine or the imagination to create its own codes or values; instead it takes every opportunity presented by the producers of mass goods (the carriage/car, the manor/single-family home, the servants/kitchen with all manner of appliances) to adopt the most banal customs of the agrarian elite of old.

As you can see, cars, single-family homes, and kitchens well equipped with useful appliances also must be banned, because they remind Marxist moonbats of “pre-industrial elites.”

Lawnmowers also stand accused of causing it to be too hot out, in accordance with liberal global warming doctrine.

On to the most important reason we must ban lawnmowers:

I will begin the point of this post, which concerns the biological reason for banning lawnmowers (a tool that only the city should own and use in the interest of the greater good rather than the vapid tastes of the middle class). It is this: Urban gardens need to be left alone to grow.

Some see urban blight as an unintended consequence of liberalism. As we see here, it isn’t always unintended.

The author then gibbers about Darwinism for several paragraphs before wandering back to his conclusion that urban areas must be allowed to lapse into decay. Exciting new species can evolve from rats and cockroaches amid the riotous weeds, so long as lawnmowers don’t spoil it.

On a tip from DCGere.

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