Writing 101: Avoiding Purple Prose

Purple prose is one of those writing problems that’s easy to see in someone else’s work but hard to spot in our own. Simply put, this writing is overly elaborate or self-indulgent. It’s wordy, heavy on description, and often prioritizes the sound of the words over clarity and pacing. The result? Writing so ornate, flowery, or dramatic that it calls attention to itself and gets in the way of the story.

This kind of writing can be found in long passages (a full page describing a sunset) or in small samples (an overwrought metaphor or sentence in an otherwise well-written scene). Either way, it’s a sign the writing (and the author) is trying hard to impress.

Why It Doesn’t Work

While a beautifully written sentence can be a pleasure to read, purple prose takes things too far. Here’s what happens when things get too flowery:

• The pace slows to a crawl. Prose tends toward long, drawn-out passages with little movement or character interaction.
• The writing is unclear. As more details and complex comparisons are added, readers have to work harder to understand what’s meant. Reading the story becomes difficult rather than effortless.
• Melodrama takes over. When an emotion, description, or story event is described with multiple metaphors and lyrical phrasings, it starts to feel over the top.
• The voice sounds artificial. Most of the time, purple prose isn’t a reflection of the character’s style; it’s the author’s. When readers realize the author is narrating instead of the protagonist, the story loses some of its authenticity.

Basically, the writing is supposed to serve the story, not the other way around. So let’s identify the common elements that contribute to purple prose so you’ll know it when you see it in your own manuscript.

Too Many Adjectives and Adverbs

Purple: The tall, brooding, mysterious stranger walked solemnly and silently across the desolate, fog-laced, moonlit street.

Better: The stranger drifted down the fog-laced street, quiet and unreadable.

When you’re describing something, always know what you want the description to do. (Hint: it should do more than just create a visual image.) Whether you want to create mood, characterize, foreshadow, or provide contrast, go with the details that will accomplish that purpose.

And when it comes to adverbs, remember that most of them can be replaced with a strong verb, and you get a better result with more economy.

Clunky Comparisons

Metaphors can be powerful because they create connections for readers. But if too many are used or the metaphors are mixed, the meaning is less clear, and the writing reads as amateurish. Pick one image and let it do the heavy lifting.

Purple: Her laughter was a symphony of spring rain, golden sunlight, and wind in the trees.

Better: Her laughter was like a rain shower—quick and unexpected.

TIP: If you’re unsure if your metaphors are working, ask critique partners and beta readers to specifically offer feedback in this area.

Abstract Emotional Language

If you describe an emotion in broad or over-described terms, it can come across as melodramatic.

Purple: He was consumed by a soul-crushing, bone-deep anguish that shattered him into a million irreparable fragments.

Better: His gut dropped—and kept dropping. He sank to his knees, tried to speak, but what could he say?

Instead of using emotional language, show what the character is feeling through their body language, visceral reactions, and thoughts. (TIP: The Emotion Thesaurus is a great tool for this.)

Thesaurus-Worthy Word Choices

Purple: The hound, cloaked in a patchwork of bedraggled fur and grievous olfactory offenses, appeared in dire need of ablution in sanctifying waters.

Better: The mangy dog smelled like death and needed a bath.

The goal isn’t to sound smarter. It’s to be clear and let your point-of-view character do the talking. Unless they’re supposed to sound like an encyclopedia, simpler words are usually better.

Too Much Description

Purple: The curtains were a cascading waterfall of burgundy silk. Gold threads caught the sunlight, shimmering with a majestic elegance. Lacy edges caught the breeze and undulated like a servant’s curtsy.

Better: Silk curtains and gold tassels fluttered in the early morning breeze.

Not everything needs to be described. Adding too much detail slows the pace because more words are being used when fewer will do. Remember #1 and focus on the details that matter.

Ornate or Overly Complex Sentences

When the sentences get long and complicated, they often become more confusing.

Purple: In a peculiar village where the mayor’s headaches—which are rumored to be sentient and deeply nostalgic—a chronically disoriented philosopher, whose thoughts manifest as translucent origami lizards that work against his ill-advised quest to retroactively nullify his own birth.

Better: Pretty much anything else.

Here we have an overly long sentence containing a lot of the mistakes we’ve mentioned. Overdone descriptions, fancy verbiage, misplaced commas, and a weird metaphor combine to produce a sentence with no subject-verb agreement. Despite its length, it’s actually a really long fragment that’s impossible to decipher. The idea of sentient headaches may be interesting, but readers won’t learn more about it because the work of disentangling the sentences to figure out what they mean just isn’t worth it.

Bottom line: It doesn’t matter how fancy or unique the writing is if readers can’t understand it. When we’re writing, clarity and ease of reading should always be a priority.

A Final Tip

Now that you know what to look for, it will be easier to fix this kind of overwriting. But if you’re not sure if a passage needs to be reworked, read it aloud. The act of hearing the writing with our own ears lets us process it differently and hear what the writing sounds like. If you’re stumbling over certain sentences or second-guessing that metaphor, it’s a sign that revision is needed.

Clarity and beauty (or originality) aren’t mutually exclusive; your writing can have both. Just make sure you write with purpose, and every word will earn its place.

Other Posts in This Series

Dialogue Mechanics
Effective Dialogue Techniques
Semi-Colons and Other Tricky Punctuation Marks
Show-Don’t-Tell, Part 1
Show-Don’t-Tell, Part 2
Point of View Basics
Choosing the Right Details
Character Arc in a Nutshell

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The Bookshelf Muse is a hub for writers, educators and anyone with a love for the written word. Featuring Thesaurus Collections that encourage stronger descriptive skills, this award-winning blog will help writers hone their craft and take their writing to the next level.

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