When Karen Met Christ -Five Loaves, Two Fish, and a Broom (Part II)

When Karen Met Christ -Five Loaves, Two Fish, and a Broom (Part II)

Modern Day Christ, Five Loaves Of Bread And Two Fish… What Really Happens!!(Part I)

 

When Karen Met Christ -Five Loaves, Two Fish, and a Broom (Part II)

Just as the final scraps of bread were passed around, the mood began to shift.

People were chewing slower.
Some even made eye contact for the first time.
A few began whispering apologies to the air, unsure why they felt guilty.

And then — like an energetic thunderclap in beige capris — she arrived.

Karen.

She stood up near the middle of the crowd, hands on hips, lips pursed like a shofar of complaint.

“Excuse me. I’m sorry but… this bread? It’s a little dry.”

The entire meadow went quiet.

A few heads turned.

Christ tilted his head.

“You didn’t bring anything,” someone muttered.
“She never does,” another whispered.

Karen, undeterred, began gesturing in circles — trying to whip up a breeze of shared discontent.

“I mean, I’m just saying. If we’re doing this communal feast thing, maybe someone could’ve brought hummus? Or at least clarified the ingredients?”

Then, like a divine slapstick moment ordained by the Most High…

Something slipped from her oversized coat.

A giant submarine sandwich.

Wrapped in foil. Double meat. Extra sauce. 14 inches of betrayal.

It fell in slow motion, spinning gently, catching the sun, as the crowd gasped in collective horror.

THWUMP.

It hit the ground like a thunderclap of shame.

Karen froze.

Eyes darting.
Hands flailing.
She stammered:

“That’s — that’s not mine. I mean it’s for later. I wasn’t even going to eat it. I’m gluten-free, usually—”

She waved her arms so wildly that her wig flung off, arcing through the air like a squirrel on Red Bull.

It sailed directly into Christ’s fish plate, knocking the last sacred fish into the sand.

Gasps. Audible groans.
One guy actually clutched his heart and fell backwards into the hummus-less grass.

It was, without question, a comedy scene orchestrated by God Himself.

A holy glitch in the matrix.

The crowd started murmuring. Then chanting:

“Go home Karen! Go home!”
“Fake hungry!”
“Submarine shame!”

But Christ raised his hand.

The crowd fell silent.

He walked slowly over to Karen, her wig now askew on a rosemary bush, her sandwich glistening with guilt, her ego slipping out of her like a dollar from an untended purse.

“What exactly,” Christ asked softly, “are you trying to accomplish?”

Karen opened her mouth to argue.

Then closed it.

Her eyes welled.
She looked around — at the eyes staring, the crumbs at her feet, the fish face-down in the dirt.

And in that moment, something cracked.

She exhaled.

“I have no idea,” she said.

Then wiped her nose with a recycled napkin and added quietly:

“…but the bread is delicious.”

---

Christ smiled.

“Then sit down. Share what you have. And next time? Just start there.”

She nodded.
Sat down next to a stranger.
Unwrapped the sandwich.
Cut it into pieces.
And for the first time in years,
she actually tasted what it meant to give.

 

This latest series is inspired by “Christ Zombie Syndrome” but is not in the book.

Newest book in the Wrinklebusters library is destined to be a classic.

Christ Zombie Syndrome goes where few dare — straight into the decaying heart of faux spirituality. This searingly honest and darkly funny book shines a light on the freeloaders of the faith, the polite cannibals of the consciousness community, and the spiritual elite who ghost their teachers while pretending to glow. Christ is back, he’s got a broom, and this time he’s sweeping the temple clean. If you’ve ever felt unseen while carrying the light — or suspect you’ve been feasting at the table of truth without barely lifting a finger — this book is your mirror, your medicine, and your wake-up call.

“It walks the line between searing truth and laugh-out-loud comedy — but never loses its soul. The voice is unfiltered Christ in human drag: brilliant, fed up, forgiving, and wielding a broom.“

“Possibly one of the boldest spiritual texts ever written” -Wrinklebuddy

This book is destined to become a classic among the spiritual community. $10 or name your price.

 🔎 Still Curious? Start Here.

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Wrinkles Aren’t Just Aging — They’re Gunk, Sludge, and Parasites (No One Talks About This)

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